Love, Not You

Hey,

...

I miss you

and your smile

and your giddy attitude

I loved it so much

it was so bright

and naive

...

because you hadnt yet been hurt

hurt by the cruel world

by societies view of people

you were similar to

...

or you didnt know 

you were actually apart of yet

because trust me you never expected it

...

you were happy

so happy

that you only ever cried

when you were in trouble

and got yelled at or popped

...

 you had a bright smile

no matter what was happening in the world

you were oblivious

...

and i love that about you

but im also envious

...

i envy you

and your genuine smiles

and laughs

your happy days

and rarely sad nights

...

never crying yourself to sleep

or even wanting to

never wanting to die

to end it

to not even care if you stepped in a road and

...

im envious because

black peoples lives were ended

and people started having to say that

#blacklivesmatter too

...

you didnt know that you 

werent cisgender or straight

and you didnt have to struggle with coming out

...

or waiting to come out

or even needing to

...

you didnt have to deal with racism increasing

and the fear of being hurt

because now they have a voice

that could possibly get elected as a leader

that could completely ruin your life

indirectly

...

you didnt have to worry about

 falling in love with your best friend

and possibly having that relationship

never be the same

because mistakes were made

....

i envy you because i want to be you

but im not

...

not any more at least

and probably not ever again

...

and for that i am truly sorry

because you have to go through my struggles

you have to go through my highs and lows

and im sorry for that

i was sorry as soon as i wasnt you any more

...

Love,

Not You