Right Love. Wrong Time.

Your first love is the one who first broke you heart.

I've always known you. I have always known you as my friend's cute little brother. I don't know how or when, but i have always known your face like i have been seeing you everyday since gradeschool. I've always known that you're cute, pero kulang lang sa height. 😂

As years gone by, our paths crossed. It wasn't the right time nor the wrong time but it was exactly the time to meet you. I met you as a friend's friend. We weren't introduced formally but i've always known you. I don't know your name but i knew your face. Magkamukha kasi kayo nang ate mo. I know where you guys live. 'Coz i've known your sister since grade school, we were friends then, but just lost contact.

3 years after we first met, i received a chat from you. A simple "Hi" made me smile, because i was honestly waiting for that "hi" for 3 years. Pero wrong timing, i was still in a relationship and I ignored your chats for a while. When i decided to reply, we talked. You always have something to say. It was pretty obvious that you wanted to keep the conversation going. And with that, i discovered that pinsan mo pala yung dalawa kong barkada since highschool! What a small world! And before i knew it, you asked for my number through facebook. That was kinda torpe, but i still gave in and let you have it 'coz i thought, "well, i know him, so what the hell".
Text-text, chat-chat, but i remembered ikaw lagi last nagrereply tapos sini-seen ko na lang 'pag wala na akong mareply. 😂

After a few days yata na hindi tayo nag-usap, umuwi ako sa province for Christmas and New Year. Basta i remembered medyo matagal din na hindi ka nagchat and nagtext sa akin noon. I texted you if you're going to the event/party where i am also going. And you said, "Yes. You?". Di na ako nagreply. I don't know what to expect 'coz i honestly don't want to flirt with anyone at that point. Kakabreak lang namin ng ex ko noon at medyo hindi pa ako okay. And yes, we saw each other. But did not talk, you did not approach me for some reason. But i remembered you texted me 'crush tika' that night. I smirked, 'coz i honestly don't know why you texted me that, like duh, alam ko na noh? Obvious kaya. Hahaha.

Later that night, we took a picture together because you asked if we could. Pumayag naman ako, so you went to my house and we took that picture sa labas nang gate ng bahay namin. After that, we kept on texting and chatting, you wanted to see me (i can sense that), but i always make excuses not to meet you kasi ayoko muna makipag "date". And then after the Christmas break, i went back to Manila.

New year, new life. New "friend". Yes, i treated you as my friend back then. When you first called me, it was facebook videocall, medyo hesitant pa ako sagutin yun. I don't know why, but i answered it! And we talked all day yata eh. And later that night, you called me pa through phone. And we talked all night. I don't know how time flew fast kasi sa time na yun ayoko pa sayo eh, i mean, i'm not interested in anything other than friendship. When i said that i was going to sleep and ended the call, it was around 3am na yata, you called back and asked me if you could court me, i know you knew that i wasn't ready, so you understood and accepted my answer: "no, i'm not ready pa".

Pero despite that, you still called me, videochat, voice calls, EVERY SINGLE DAY.
We talked, laughed, sang, and did other stuff together through facebook videocall for hours and hours. Sometimes you'd hit my phone, say what's up and hit me with some "banat lines". It would instantly make me smile.

But on the day that i realized that you were a fun person to talk to, i immediately regret the day that i said na ayoko pa magpaligaw, 'coz honestly, i was waiting for that kind of personality for a while. I waited that you would ask me again, but you didn't. You never asked me again.

Then one day, i realized that i'm in love with you. I wasn't sure kung love ba talaga yun or companionship lang. So i decided to stop talking to you and stopped answering your calls for i think, 2 days? But after that, I told you that i was falling for you and i was testing myself if i could live a day without you, and i said, "i can live without you but i can't stop thinking about you". Ikaw lagi kong naiisip, ikaw lagi naikukwento ko sa friends ko. Hinahanap kita sa bawat tingin ko sa mga tao.