obliteration.

i

"how are you holding up, maria?"

"oh, i'm fantastic. let me tell ya," i smirk a little as a put my feet on the coffee table in front of me. "never been better, i honestly don't think it's possible to be happier than me."

"maria, darling, just cooperate, please. it's only an hour long session and it seems you aren't progressing," the therapist sighs and crosses her legs. "let's try again. how are you holding up, maria?"

i squint at her and shrug, "i'm ok."

"alright, and where are you staying?"

"i got an appartment last thursday," i say and she nods at me. "one bed, one bath, small ass kitchen, and what is often reffered to as a living room."

"that's good. how'd you afford it?"

"i'm roommating."

"that's nice. who are you roommating with?"

i chuckle humorlessly, "you know i only have one friend, why do you get your hopes up?"

she sighs, "how's luke?"

"fantastic."

"that's good. still just friends?"

"of course we're just friends, what the fuck."

"i was just asking."

"can i go now?"

"there's still 50 minutes left, maria."

"a little lie never hurt anyone," i stand up grabbing my purse and open the door, "i'll see you next week."

○○○

"hey, luke," i say when he picks up.

"i thought you were in an appointment."

"oh well, we got things done quick. can you come pick me up?"

"yeah, yeah, one minute."

"thanks, lukey."

"mhm."

luke's the only friend i've ever had. my mom kicked me out a couple weeks ago so i've been staying with luke and his mom until i could afford my own place. luke decided we should just roomate and we got an appartment last week. it's nice, minus the no pets and no smoking inside rules.

luke pulls up in his white malibu and i hop in the passenger seat. "how'd it go?"

"fantastic," i say while lighting a cigarette.

"maria."

"yes?"

"you know i don't like ci-" i blow smoke in his face and he coughs. "maria."

"oops."

he gives me an annoyed look and sighs, "just roll down the window, please."

"yessir."

luke looks at me as i'm rolling down the window, "maria?"

"yes?"

"why are you so obsessed with your own self destruction?" he asks me while stopping at a red light.

"isn't it obvious, luke?" i laugh and he looks at me with a confused expression. "it's beautiful. destroying yourself before anyone gets the chance to, it scares people. because if you can do that kind of shit to yourself, it makes them wonder what kind of chaos you could do cast upon them."

"but you don't hurt people, maria. you make them love."

i look at him and cock me head, "love is the worst kind of pain imaginable, my dear."