When I first met her.

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by Adrenalinetears

by Adrenalinetears

                                    
                                              I was about 14. I had a few classes with her, but we became friends in history. We sat next to each other. Mr.Cordet placed us beside each other, close to the wall. But in the center so we could see. I didn't know it then, I didn't realize, but all I really looked at was her. 
                          We began talking. Quite a lot. I'm very outgoing even though I'm introverted, I'm loud and the whole class could hear my witty remarks. Half the class thought I was annoying, she was part of the other half that loved my jokes; and never got tired of my marvel references (even if she didn't always get them.) I didn't know it then. But I loved her.
                          I never payed much attention in class. I always asked her questions. We spent most of the period talking. Everytime I made a joke I looked at her to see what she thought. That's all I cared about.

                          We were really close. I told her about my struggles of figuring myself out, I tested out names with her. She was even one the first people I tried to use new pronouns with. I always asked her questions and she helped me figure a lot out. At that point she was pretty comfortable sharing how gay she was. 
                          "I have a crush on this girl"
                          "Who"
                          She didn't tell me right away. But I remember hoping it was me. That I was that girl. I wasn't. But I forgot about wanting to be her crush and brushed the thought off. I thought I liked boys... Only boys.
                          I also was quite open and trusting as I never was with other people. I showed her my insecurities. I showed her that I never thought anyone could like me. I was young and I had bad exes. I wasn't dating that year. 
                          "You know people do like you."
                          "What?" I responded
                          "Someone has a crush on you" she said. 
                          "What?! Who?" I inquired. I searched her face for any sign of a joke or a lie. She was serious. 
                          She never told me who it was. I remember hoping it was her... Imagining it was her. I got shy and awkward about the subject. 
                           After a bit she revealed that this person was in my gym class and stuff. It wasn't her. And I was  bummed but I denied any feeling I could have for her, I didn't wanna ruin the friendship. I knew she didn't feel the same way. At least, I thought she didn't.  I didn't find out who was crushing on me until the next year. It was her best friend.