Do you know when things are too far gone? I don't. Maybe it's when he leaves without a goodbye. Maybe when they all go because of your depression. How about when your therapist says "maybe life isn't for everyone." The scars become too much. The booze, the pills, the cigarettes; all become too tempting, you have to try. The feeling of euphoria they give you is the best since he still loved you; since they still came around ever once in a while. You know all of this is dangerous, but you don't care. It makes you happy, it makes life tolerable. But the happiness isn't real, you'll wake up at 4 in the morning, hung over, every time. Then life will become impossible again until night comes, and you have even more. Maybe it's when sleep betrays you. When the nightmares and night terrors become too brutal to handle. Or, maybe it's when you stop eating, hoping a skinnier you is a lovable you. It's not. Your mentality on weapons has gone from a form of self defense to a form of self harm. Your blood is hypnotizing, you can't look away. You lose your trust, you build a wall, you isolate yourself. Just you and your thoughts. You blame yourself for everything that happens, all the pain. Somehow, that's on you. The rope becomes too much to resist, you have to try. Your life is a living hell. Everyone you've hurt, everyone that's left, it becomes too much to bear. You decide to end it all, then and there. Maybe things will be better now.
