Living with S.A.D ( social anxiety disorder)

S.A.D

I live in fear of rejection. And I don't mean of when you final confess your feelings to the person you like. Everyday I worry that someone is judging me. No matter how long I have know them or how close I am to them that doesn't not release me of this stress. No one understands, no listens, no asks. I'm I ok? The thought of taking my own life doesn't scare me anymore. That maybe there is something better at the end of the road or on the other side.

This is my story.

I live currently in a town just in between los Angeles and San Diego. One of the nicer towns with wealth. So social class very much excises. You either live on the hill, in a community or in an apartment. There is also is a division of racist. Your either Mexican, white or Native American. I sit in the middle of how wealth my family is I live in a community. So I have item that those less fortune doesn't have and I feel blessed. But money can't solve my problems. It's started off as just nothing. I didn't want to go to school or I would make myself sick. The school tried to help but I didn't know it then. I wake up everyday worrying about what might happen and how to get out of it. 

Ever since i can remember I always moved school. I went to preschool somewhere in san diego and to kindergarten somewhere in escondido. Then i went to 1st and 2nd in the riverside county. and ˇThen in 3rd grade i went to this elementary school i was a bit bossy. Many kids didn't like me but i thought it was normal. I had three friends in the 3 years at that elementary. Then for middle school i went to the brother school of that same elementary school. I knew almost everyones name since we had been going to the same school with most of them but not many knew me. 

So the first year of six grade rolled around. I was very excited to finally have a different class for every subject. But just 3months into the school year i got very sick. I had a long medical history of visiting the hospital as a baby. So i was not surprise i was out for 2months with the flu. It got so back that coughing hurt. I eventually popped a blood vessel in my eye. But when i got back i learn the sad reality of life is everyone moves on. I was left behind and my friends were to busy with class to talk to me. And i was to busy making up homework for the time i missed. I eventually failed almost all my classes. 

The seventh grade was no different. I didn't want to go to class what was the point so i would always skip breakfast so that i would feel sick and the nurse would send me home. She got tired of that real quick. I then started to just not go on the bus anymore so that there was no way to get to school and my parents where work so then could take me. But my dad started miss work just so he could take me to work. My mom got tired of it and ultimately started blaming my dad. They fought a lot. I would just stay in my room and listen. I didn't know what to say. My parents ultimately got a divorce and my dad moved out. I missed him a lot. He was the one who would come in my room and ask what was wrong. But when he left it was like my voice had left with him. My mom start forcing me to go and 1 out 5 of the times i would go. She was never the type to try and take to me. My brother started ditching school and he eventually dropped out. My oldest brother graduated high school and was going to a community college at the time but he eventually stopped going. My middle school years end with my not attending. But we moved to a new town to where i would start high school...