Hello EXO!?!? || (EXO fanfiction) (hiatus)

Mianhe 8/9/16

Hey. I'm sorry it's been a long time. But I've been on a big situation for the past month. I have no idea what to write about, have lost interests in many things I've wanted to do in life, and have lost inspiration. I've been stressing out so much :/ people may be like "lies, you're only in 8th grade" but really. I have been eating less, less interaction, less interests, etc. plus I've been having a lot of back aches and stomach pains (I haven't told anyone about it so far), which are really distracting me from time to time.

At the beginning of summer, I had a goal of to make everyone happy, enjoy this vacation, and set many goals for myself, but in the end I'm just a lazy 8th grader from NJ. Just today I was mentally in pain.
(Rant paragraph coming up)
firstly, I had gone downstairs (at around 1 pm) for the first time to eat (bc I didn't eat) and as soon as I went down I got criticized for coming down as my older sister came up to eat, and so I didn't eat. But anyway I am usually patient so I was like "okay fine I'll go back up" and I did, I took a shower and decided to go out to buy food since I couldn't just go downstairs to eat, i wore a teal sweatshirt with a dinosaur wearing glasses saying "nerd-a-saurus" with green olive jeggings, when I get ready to leave my sister asks "where are you going?" "To *STORE NAME*, and she stares at me like I'm crazy because it was 86 degrees out, but usually whenever I go out she doesn't care and doesn't even bother to ask, and so ,I go to the convenient store to buy chips, snacks, and as I come home I saw there was mail. I went to grab it and was struggling (I'm 4'11, 86 lbs, short and chubby) as she opens the door, I struggle to reach the mailbox and asks for help, she did help me but later didn't even bother to open the door. Later today, 9:30 pm ish, my mom asks me and my sister if we wanted to go to the store with her, to buy water bottles, as we go into the car (I didn't know we were getting water bottles at the time) and once she told me I said "*sisters name* is buying them and she yelled at me just because I "didn't" tell my mom the my older sister was buying them. Either way, we went to the store and bought a pack, but literally, my mom was complaining about being tired and (I'm not exaggerating) sick, same for my sister but that I was slow, I was carrying a 24 pack of water bottles by myself, with no help because my mom made me to, and my sister (15) is too lazy (to even get a cart) , by time I put them down my mom says "you took so long". As we got home I had to carry the pack in and when I put them down I looked at my hands cause they were in pain, and saw that they had turning completely red and purple from carrying the water bottles around the store and into the house. 30 minutes later, my older sister was home and decided to eat, and so I went downstairs to eat too (I only ate snacks and for dinner a loaf of bread today [I SWEAR IM NOT ON A DIET MY GRANDMA ALWAYS ASKS ME THAT] ). I wanted to eat a bit of chips at the beginning so I brought them down and starting to open the bag, my older sister took a piece and I gave her a 'bruh' face and she said "you owe me bc I gave you my chips" it's true she did, but two days ago, she got drunk and was a mess, my older brother asked me if I could watch her at night because I stay up really late (5 am) so I said "yeah sure, why not?" But it was my first time taking care of a drunk person, so they night came and the table was full of beer and drinks, my sister was woozy and crazy drunk, being the 12 year old I am, I had no IDEA what to do. I cleaned up the table (my mom hates my siblings drinking), cleaned up all the spills, cleaned the dishes, and even helped her, which took me till 6 am, I didn't sleep till around 6:30 am. Yet she said "you owe me" she hadn't even paid me back because if I didn't clean up, the house would've been full of screaming Asian mom and 24/7 life lectures (my mom and grandma does that all the time). I wanted to smack her in the head, but since I'm the youngest, I couldn't. As I went up to wash up for bed, I went to the bathroom, there is 6 total people living in one house with 2 bathrooms, as I start washing my face my brother yells "GET OUT I NEED TO USE THE BATHROOM", me being the impatient person I was at the time said "go use the bathroom downstairs" he said he couldn't wait and I said as soon as I got out "you could wait for me to go out but not go downstairs." I swore that boy was scared of using the downstairs bathroom (the bathroom is in the basement where the garage door is). I went out because I couldn't do anything, many of you are gonna think older siblings have disadvantages too but this is personally my preference and experience, I have been made fun of for many things but I think one of them is my siblings mocking me, but they make it seem like I'm really snobby, I'm not if that's what I sound like but I've been really scared to talk to other people that way, which lowers my confidence a lot :( and the way I bring up my mood is kpop, listening to kpop relaxes me, dancing to kpop, seeing them happy just brings my mood up and keeps me motivated that one day in life I will eventually have my happiness coming, instead of being insulated my my family. AND DONE. IM SORRY IF YOU READ THAT ALL (you didn't have to, I just needed to let everyone out, my siblings don't know I'm writing this)

In my life I have wanted to run away from home many times, but one thing, I don't have anywhere to go, because I'm very insociable, I used to have many friends but suddenly I became quiet and idk why. My siblings always make fun of me for being a koreaboo (I admit I am sorta but I still go out once in a while). My goal in life was that I actually wanted to do a international audition for an entertainment, and that if I had gotten accepted, would want to complete more goals in life. I know most people might be like "woman, you are only 12 and you want to explore the world?" I might sound crazy but I do but I also can't, I get costaphobic (idk if I'm spelling correct, sorry :[ ) car sick and headaches in car/plane, which I'm really mad about because I try to overcome it slowly, I've seen many cover accounts on Instagram,
@/gytuan, @/kpopdancing @/katyathedancer @/jy.dancenoms and many more, I always am like "wow they are so talented" but the thing is, I don't have much free time at home by myself, and whenever I get made fun of, my self esteem becomes lower.

Future ambitions ;
-send a audition
-bring up my esteem
-eat more
-exercise more
-explore the outside
-make people happy.

sincerely,
Crystal Trinh.

(1313 words)