Dark Secrets

Sometimes feeling alone is hard. Feeling like no one cares at all. Feeling lost. My father abandoned me and my mother when I was 6. Ever since then nothing has been normal. My mom has become an alcoholic. She's abused me before mentally and physically. I never understood why she takes it out on me, it makes me wonder what I ever did wrong. Did I do anything wrong?

That question will always be unanswered. I don't like it. Life has always been hard for me. Ever since my mom started abusing me I've been cutting. No one knows. Not even my friend Lucy. She's my best friend. The only friend I have. She's actually popular and well known. But me... I'm the loser in the school. Sometimes I wonder why she's even friends with me.

And again that will always be a unanswered question. I hate how I have all these questions to ask myself but I will never know the truth behind them. It sucks. I hate life. No one likes me. Except for Lucy. She knows everything about me and I know everything about her. She's actually had a pretty interesting life. She's the captain of the cheer squad, her boyfriend is Niall Horan the captain of the soccer team. Lucy has dirty blonde hair with perfect tanned skin. She's beyond perfect. That's why people like her and not me.

First off my name is Bella. I have light brown hair with pale skin. I know not the prettiest mixture ever. Well for me. I don't play any sports. I've never really been a fan of sports. I guess it's just not my thing. And oh yeah I'm the only child which means I have to be the one with all the bruises and scars. But of course if I had a younger sibling I'd take the hit for them any day.

I just realized I was really into deep thought until Lucy snapped her fingers in front of my face. "Did you hear me?" Lucy asked. We are now sitting at Starbucks drinking coffee and talking about the plans we made for this weekend. Me and her were gonna have a sleepover at her house and watch movies. Well me watching the movies because I think she said she was inviting over Niall.

"Um no sorry." I said. She sighed and sat back in her chair taking a sip of her coffee.

"I said I think we should just go to the movies instead of having a sleepover on Saturday." She replied kind of irritated. I'm not going to lie she makes me feel bad sometimes because I doze off really easily which makes it to where she has to repeat herself a lot.

"Yeah sure." I replied. She nodded her head and opened her mouth to say something but then decided not to say anything. Today I'm just not in the mood to do anything or hangout with anyone. Me and my mom got in this big fight this morning and I'm not looking forward on going home. Why does she have to abuse me every time she sees my face? Like it doesn't make sense. She should just move on.

About 20 minutes later she had to go because she was going to hangout with Niall or some crap. When I walked into the house I noticed no one was home so then I went to my room and layed on my back looking up at the ceiling. I've come quite fond of the ceiling since its what I do when I think.

I just want one thing I can't have. Which is to be fixed.