The Book of Randomness

Bro, all the feels...

Ok so, I am currently in a state of bewilderment (ooh big words) and curiosity.  So, I had a crush on this guy since 6th grade and in 7th grade I came to the realization that this crush was doing me no good. So. I tried to stop my crush. I got rid of everything that had anything to to do with him on my phone and everything. I tried not to look at him at all during school and eventually, I stopped liking him.

Or so I thought.

So just a couple of nights ago, I had a dream about him...... Kissing me.

I woke up confused and slightly satisfied. (Not gonna lie I literally thought it was real and I was like super happy) I moved on like nothing happened though.

Today was my first day of 8th grade. And all I could think about was him. (Let's call him.... Leo... Idk) all I could think about was Leo, and so, being me, I went to the person that was friends with him and me. (bruhitsgaby ) I told her the situation and all about the dream. She knew that I had a crush on Leo. And of course being the AMAZING friend she is, she teased me for it. She said I was falling for Leo again. And I had a wave of emotion wash over me. Confusion.  Anger.  Happiness.  And I can't even describe how I felt until now (after literally 30 minutes of me laying in my bed staring at my headphones on my bedside table, just thinking about stuff) I said to her "well, I don't know what to do. I don't want to like him, it's bad for me. But part of me wants to let it happen, let nature take its course..." And she responded with "well, don't freak out ok? He's just a normal guy. Well... He's not normal I mean, but he's a ..... Person I guess. Just don't freak out." And then I said to her (we were texting) "well he's definitely not normal if he can make me fall for him after 5+ months of me not caring about him and me trying my very hardest to forget my feelings for him."

Ugh. I think now I realized that, I didn't stop liking him. I, over time, made myself believe that I didn't like him. Because I wanted to not like him so much, I made myself believe that I didn't. Until that dream. I think that dream was my wake up call, to just, let nature do its thing. I think I was meant to like Leo. Even if I don't want to. I made myself believe that I didn't like him and it seemed logical at the time because I thought 'well, it's completely ridiculous to like him. He doesn't like you, he never will. He's going to a different high school as you so it wouldn't work out anyways, and everyone makes fun of you because of it, it's time to make this go away'

So, I'm still a little confused but, all I'm saying is, if I dream about him tonight, I won't wake up confused, I'll wake up satisfied that I'm letting God and nature do its thing. (I'm not saying you have to believe in that kind of stuff but I do so deal with it) if I have a crush on Leo, so be it. I won't try to not have a crush on him just because I want to. I'll have a crush on him because I'm meant to.

Ok, I am sorry this is totally random but I really needed to write this down in some way, so I did. Sorry if it doesn't make sense because it is currently 10:00 at night and I am a little tired. I hope you guys will give me some feedback and I hope you guys will give me your opinions because I love to read your comments and see what everyone thinks about what I write (even if it's random weird or gross or something)

But yeah, I think I'll just go ahead and go to sleep now, now that I'm feeling much better about the whole situation with Leo. *giggles* ok,

Bye.

Tell me your opinions in the comments

And Ye, bye.

~Mads (btw, this thing is 730 words like jeez)