She's so gone

Ashley

Starting off, I've been raised abused. My mother abused me, my father abused me, and I felt so hopeless. The abuse started for as long as I can remember. Even as a child. I would come home from school to see my father beat up my mother. It hurt to see. Then my mom would take her beating out on me. I would get told that if I told the police than I would really pay. Which is bullshit. But of course, I believed it. I thought there was no way out of this gated hell that I called life. I never got to celebrate birthdays, have fun, go to the carnival with my mommy and daddy.. I was trapped. Just me. And me only. I was 13 when I dared to raise a hand at my father. I remember it to this day. "You need to clean that hell-hole of yours up!" My dad yelled. "Ok, I'll do it now.." I replied while walking to my room. Then he pulled me back by my hair. "No! Your getting it first!" He spat. He punched me hard in the stomach. Then I remember falling to my knees and gagging, coughing up blood. Then I stood up. I decided I've had enough. "I do everything you want! I get abused everyday by your drunk ass and for some reason, she doesn't even care about herself being abused by you!" I yelled. He grabbed my hair and slammed me against the wall. "Bitch, shut up! Your my child! You respect me!" He yelled as he slapped me hard. I nodded my head slowly. "Ok.. Ok.. I'm sorry dad I'll just-" Then I did it. I punched his ass right in the jaw. I remember his face as soon as I hit him too. I'm not standing back and letting this happen to me anymore. Then it became a huge fight. My mom was hitting me, my dad was beating me senseless, and I was only 13.. I couldn't stand up to 2 adults. Then it all went black. After that I woke up. I guess I was unconscious from the beating. I woke up to me laying at the same place I was when they beat me. I was laying in my own pool of blood. Then speeding up time, I discovered the more alternative style. In school I'd get pushed around, called names, nothing too serious. I wasn't going to be that "emo pussy" they thought I was. I always had a comeback. I rioted against every stupid rule there was in school. I never cut myself, I knew it was stupid. I knew I had a chance for a better life as soon as I get out of this stupid school.  I wasn't going to feel sorry for myself or give up now. I came too far. I fought too much. I spent extra time after school in the gym working on my strength. I lifted weights, punched punching bags, ran laps, did cardio exercises. I was tough for a girl. Hell, I was practically raised by the definition of tough. To this day when I tell my abusive past story, everyone always asks the same thing. "What if they killed you?! They could of!" Or, "Why didn't you tell someone sooner?" My answers to these questions might not be the right answer, but it's my answer. First answer, Sure. They could of. But they didn't. If they killed me, I guess I would be dead, not much to it. And for the second answer, I wanted to fight. I know it might sound completely stupid to some people but again, it might not be the right answer but it's my own. So like I was saying, I didn't want to be a pussy and back out easily by telling the police. I would've been known as another abused girl. Now I'm proud to be known as a survivor. I've always fought for what I've wanted, that's how it's been. I was never shy, I was loud as hell. Your typical "teenager" I was the trouble maker. When I was 16 and 17 I've been caught by the law. Not doing anything serious, just protesting. It's not like I cut a babies leg off, ate it's organs, then sacrificed it's leg to Allah! But that's how they treated the situation. I used to shop lift and just know, THAT'S NEVER RIGHT TO DO. I was a punk ass kid. I got what I wanted. I know what people saw me as. "Spoiled" But the truth is, every trouble maker has a story behind them of why they do the stuff that they do. I was raised fighting. Always have. At 16 I remember I pierced my lip and my father went crazy!! He ripped it out of my lip. I'm laughing just thinking about it. But as soon as I turned 18, I was out. No one could tell me how to dress, or how to live, or when to clean my room, or beat me senseless. Actually, the last one could happen. But like I said, I never go down without a fight! I've been involved with gangs, drugs, and I've never bought in to it. Sure, I've tried it. But after all of the suffering as a child and teenager, I knew I could still do something with my life. I wasn't going to fuck it up any more than it already was. Later I became a guitarist in my very own band. We're so popular. We're all about telling kids to be themselves, show your real you, don't quit... Don't go down without a fight ;)