Finally Falling

Chapter 1

"Ryan the band goes on at 10 tonight. Lucas said he understands if you can't make the drive, it's suppose to rain really hard tonight."
"Yes Iris, I haven't seen you guys in weeks and it's only a 2 hour drive from Indiana to California as you have pointed out many times before. I'll be fine. You worry too much, sometimes it's good to take risks you know and not live always in a bubble."
"I know just.....be careful okay."
"Of course, I love you Iris."
"I love you Ry."

I sat in my dorm room alone looking at the photo of Ryans smiling face looking back at me. Blair, my bestfriend and roommate had left with her boyfriend, Carter already. I was leaving to get coffee until the photo fell out of one of my jackets. I stood up and put the photo on my dresser. It's the most recent one I have of him. I never knew that would be the last time I ever saw him. I grab my keys and head out the door. The weather is nice out today, but then again the sun is always shining in California. Ry use to tell me that it didn't matter that the sun wasn't out because he didn't feel the warmth until I was by his side smiling while he held me. He was cheesy like that, but I smiled each and every time. Thinking about it now puts a wistful smile upon my face. I get to my red sentra, a new car my dad bought me before I came to Carlson University a year ago, and start the car. I have no idea where I want to go. I wanted coffee but now I'm not so sure. I could call lydia, my other bestfriend and roommate and ask if she's busy, but I'm not sure I even want the company. So I just drive. No destination in mind with the thought of only being able to breath again. It takes me 5 minutes to realize I stopped. I'm at the beach, Sandford beach. It's empty and quiet. It could be the fact that it's 7:00pm and everyone's looking for a party to go to now that's it's officially the weekend, or it could be the fact that no one ever uses this beach unless it's to have a private Bonfire with friends or to just hang out. I don't mind though, I need to clear my thoughts. I get out of the car and start to walk taking off my flip flops along the way. I'm glad I chose to wear jean shorts and a tank since it seems to be getting hotter. I wish I had brought my camera. I love taking pictures. Nowadays it's the only escape I have, the only thing left that I find I'm good at. You see everything different when you're looking at it through a different set of eyes and you catch the tiniest detail of what you could've otherwise missed. Behind a camera I don't have to pretend and I can observe from a distance. I sit down and look out towards the water. Minutes later tears are falling down my face and drip onto my hands. I bring my legs up and let my head rest against my knees. I'd like to say I don't know why I'm crying, but the truth is, I do. I'm lost and I have nothing to hold onto. Ryan's gone and he was the one person I could count on being there with me, other than blair and lydia, through everything. I met him in sixth grade, we were closer in seventh after my mom died to a battle lost to cancer, we shared our first kiss in eighth grade then he became bestfriends with the new kid, lucas, we started dating our sophomore year of high school after he ignored me freshman year for talking to Tommy sheffield. He left freshman year of college, and it was my fault. I feel my cell phone vibrate in my pocket. I take it out and look at the time realizing it's already 9:15pm. It's a text from blair.

Blair: Where are you?! You told lucas you would watch him play tonight at 10:30

Me: I'm on my way lost track of time, see you in a few.

I get up and make my way back to my car wishing, not for the first time, that I didn't feel so lost.