The Sweet Words I Write

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I've forgotten how it tasted
To dream.
To hope.
To love.
I forgot how it feels
When they look into your eyes
And tell you
"I chose you. I choose you. I don't want to loose you."
I forgot the laugh
The special laugh that is only for them
The tears that are only for them
I forgot the pain after wards.
How it feels when you go to grab them
And they laugh
"I take it back."
And you are left to scream at yourself in the evening
"But I chose you!
I choose you.
I didn't want to loose you."
I forgot the restless nightmares when its done.
The self loathing moments.
The hours spent wondering, which parts were real.
How your daddy told you so
But you didn't listen because he made your heart throb
And thighs shake.
I forgot why I grew cold
And chose not to listen to my heart.
Why I threw away my dreams and
My hope.
Why it hurts
To love again.