Run Bad Boy Run

Chapter 46

I'm floating in icy darkness. No matter how hard I strain, there is nothing in my line of sight but endless swirling shadows. The ice curls along my skin and fills my lungs. Despite this, I'm calm. I'm calmer than I have ever been in my life before. I know I should be alarmed by the idea, but the panic never comes, and in its place is slight confusion and a tugging sensation that tells me something should be happening.

I should be able to see.

I should be breathing.

I should stay alive.

I should move onto death.

Slowly, as the thoughts swim through my mind, color begins to shimmer in front of my eyes the way an old film flickers to life on an old projector and I'm staring into ice blue eyes. Happiness swells through my chest. The icy eyes crinkle with laughter and my focus turns to the pearly white smile accompanying the joy. My chubby fingers come into view. I'm reaching for my mother's hair. Her outstretched arms.

"Come on, sweetie!" She calls me. "You can do it! Take one step! Come on!"

Determination fills my chest. I look down at the grass under my feet. Beside me, Corry is waddling to our father. I'm not going to let him get all of the glory. I'm not going to let my mother get away. So I walk. One shaky step after another, I push myself across the grass until my balance falters and I'm falling into her arms. Her laughter engulfs me, her warmth comforts me, and we're spinning. She holds me in her arms and twirls like the princesses that twirl above my crib. I'm one of them. It's the happiest I've ever been up until now. I don't want this to end.

Mom, I don't want to leave Mom.

The memory flickers in and out of focus until a new image flashes to life. My body hums from the ripples of electricity that course through my body as the memory continues. It's dark outside and storm clouds are rumbling on the horizon as I make my way through our dimly light home. There are flowers on every surface of the house: all across the living room, the sun room, in the foyer, and littered across the hallway from Mom throwing a vase. Thankfully, the vase was plastic, and I glanced at it as I made my way into the kitchen. There are more flowers on the kitchen island, each with somber condolences for our father's untimely death. Each bouquet presses down on the weight that's found a permanent place in my chest.

I follow the sound of my brother's sobs. He'd kept it together during the funeral. Barely shed a tear when the hospital called for us to come and say our goodbyes. He held me every time I fell apart. It worried me. But hearing his cries, I felt absolute sorrow and relief. My careful steps dissolved into a sprint into the garage where he was curled up in the front seat of Dad's blue Chevy, sobbing. He didn't look up when I threw the door open. He didn't look up when I threw my arms around him and let my own tears fall. All he did was hold onto me with the same shattered urgency as I held onto him and we cried. We cried until there were no more tears left to shed.

He needs me. Even if he doesn't say it, Corry needs me.

This time, I push the memory out of my mind. I can't stand another second of it. The world around me shifts into another memory. This one is different from the others. I find myself standing outside of the gym at Valleyfield High School, a glittering pair of heels in my hands, the hem of my light blue homecoming dress torn to pieces. That bitch Kayla Maverick had torn the lace off the bottom as per Hayden Cross' orders.

"Ember!" Gabby shouts, running up behind me. "Where the hell are you going? Come back inside!"

"He ruined my dress." I whisper. "My mom worked so hard to get me this dress and he ruined it." The more I repeat the words in my mind, the angrier I become. Through her drunken haze, the idea of buying her daughter a new homecoming dress was her number one priority. We couldn't afford new ones the last two years so I was left with scouring Good Will for something wearable. She surprised me with a shopping day only a few weeks ago.

Behind us, colorful lights flash from the main gymnasium's skylights, and heavy, bass-filled music vibrates through Valleyfield High's parking lot. Ahead of us is the football field where Hayden is obviously hiding.

"We'll fix it," Gabby says. "We'll tell Miller what happened—"

"And what?" I demand, tears filling my eyes. "He'll scold Hayden? Everything will be okay for two freaking days and then what? He'll be back to the same bullshit!" I move toward the football field.

"What are you going to do about it right now?" my best friend calls.

"I don't know," I tell her honestly. "But I'm going to make him pay."

The memory fades and opens to the darkness under the bleachers where leftover pyrotechnics from the band's grand showcase is being held. Hayden's laughter rings through the massive storage unit that attaches to the visiting team's locker room. I'm not exactly sure how he was able to get in there. Who keeps fireworks that are accessible? That door is bolted shut. Why haven't any teachers shown up?

"Keep running like that Emmy! You might actually do something good for yourself!" Hayden jeers. I step into the dim light of the storage vault, anger making my body quake, and call out for him. He returns my insults and threats with quips of his own. I follow his voice. We come face to face in a place we shouldn't. He tries to light a cigarette. I lunge at him and throw his lighter away. The next thing I know, there is fire everywhere. There are explosions all around me. I can't find a way out. I can't breathe. I can't see.

The memory begins to fade into darkness.

Hayden did this to you. He did all of this to you. You should hate him, but why don't you?

The darkness grows stronger. A fluttering sensation fills my chest. A question pops into my head.

Should I leave or should I stay?

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