why'd you only call me when you're high

snap out of it

oikawa wouldn't call himself a stalker. stalking was standing outside of people's windows at three in the morning and watching them sleep, following them around town and knowing exactly all of their habits by the minute. no, he was merely checking on his dear ex-boyfriend, through every form of social media he could think of.

iwaizumi had a job as a sous chef, he knew that from facebook. he enjoyed rock climbing, which he knew from instagram. his twitter gave away that he was still chatting with sugawara and akaashi and oikawa's tears gave away that he was definitely not over him.

he started to think he never would be.

"jesus christ, you are a mess," terushima said as he walked in to oikawa's uncomfortably small apartment, holding a bag of thai take-out in his left hand, the other running through his hair, smoothing it back to perfection.

he was completely right, oikawa knew that. he had clothes all over the place with a nearly-empty cupboard to match, five empty instant-ramen cups on the coffee table, paper scattered all over the place (most of them unpaid bills) and he himself, sitting on a broken couch with unwashed hair and a smell about him that indicated he hadn't even seen a shower in a week.

terushima sighed deeply. "you need to get out of this mode, you're gonna die prematurely, i swear to god," he scolded him as he grabbed plates and chopsticks from the kitchen, shoving the cups off of the coffee table before setting down their food. "hope you like thai."

"whatever," oikawa said, not even realizing he was speaking.

"do you need me to feed you?" the faux-blond asked, holding up chopsticks with some type of noodle in between.

"whatever fancies you."

"whatever fancies the princess," terushima shrugged, lifting the food up to oikawa's mouth, who opened it up for him to place it in, oikawa chewing lazily.

"i'm not a princess. princesses get what they want. i don't."

"you don't seem like the type to get so hung up on some guy, and not be able to stop bitching about it."

"okay, fuck you," oikawa snapped, glaring at him, "it's not like me. and that's what so fucking shitty about it. about him. fuck me."

"i won't object to that. i like this friends with benefits thing, honestly."

"it's nice," oikawa shrugged, grabbing his own chopsticks, shoveling more food in to his underfed body, "but... eh. i don't know."

"you're seriously up for commitment?" terushima asked, eyebrows raised, "princess, please, not you. i can't lose you now."

"i'm not going anywhere," oikawa sighed, "i don't want commitment except for with him. and i'm never getting him back."

"baby," terushima said, grabbing on to his shoulders, "snap out of it, please, you're depressing me. i'm, like, immune to sad shit, and you're making me feel lifeless. please. for fuck's sake."

oikawa gently smacked his hand away, looking at his food, "you can't just snap out of shit you've been in for years."

"years?"

"do you honestly think a healthy person would do what i do?" oikawa asked, "my life is so fucked up. ever since i left school things have been so fucked up."

"hmm? how come?"

"i didn't get in to university. ended up with wrong friends. i was alone. my parents didn't really want to see me after i got arrested for drug possession, i got nothing but hook-ups because that's what people expected of me, and i adjusted to that. i had no friends because i was too cunning for everyone's liking. i spent four years in a crappy fucking apartment i could barely live in together with all of the rats, working a minimum-wage job with a boss that loved to make me root through the trash. my life was fucking horrendous. then i got a boyfriend..."

"kuroo?"

"yeah," he said quietly, "kuroo. he was the best thing that happened to me in a long time. and he cheated on me with some lanky tall bitch with the worst glasses i've ever seen."

"you're still upset?"

"he did it for three months. i had to walk in on him with his dick in that fuckers ass." oikawa's lip was trembling. terushima took his food and sat it down, pulling him in for a tight hug.

"christ, tooru," he sighed, "that's awful."

"he changed my life," oikawa whispered. terushima could feel tears on the back of his neck. "he pulled me out of that pit, and then he threw me to the bottom again. and now i'm stuck. fucking stuck."

"but if iwaizumi couldn't pull you out, is he really worth this sadness?" he asked.

oikawa knew he was right somewhere. but he was also so, so wrong.

he pulled away, wiping his face with the back of his hand. "haji... iwaizumi was different. iwaizumi was better than anything i could ever wish for. but he never pulled me about because he never knew what was going on. he tried so hard, but i shut him out."

"did you ever consider telling him?"

"no. i don't want him to know that side of me."

"tooru... he deserves to know. that, at least, he deserves."

"no, definitely not, he can't know. he'll just feel sorry for me. i don't want him to. it was my fault entirely."

"if what you told me was real, he must've loved you regardless. you have a certain unique charm, tooru, something nobody can copy. he fell for that, regardless of you and your struggles."

"yuuji..."

"it's okay," the male said, placing his fingers in oikawa's hair, running them backwards and to his chin past his jawline in the shape of a crescent moon along his skin, fingers soft to the touch. the boy, energetic and obnoxious as he could be, had surprisingly calming qualities.

"you're gonna break through this, with or without him, in whatever way, and i'll help you if you need me, okay?"

"okay," oikawa said breathlessly. terushima glanced down at his lips and leaned in slowly. oikawa let him kiss him, lips rivaling his fingers, a soothing cold spreading through oikawa's mind, body and soul, because that is why he loved being touched by terushima; his endless collection of harnessed physical effects. it was why he didn't object because rather than romantic, it was therapeutic; he needed no more.

except maybe iwaizumi. but even in that sense, terushima would be there every step of the way.