Love Coach

I glared at Tsunade. She was asking me if I could escort the most troublesome woman on the planet. So of course, I said no. I glanced at Shizune, who was standing right next to me. She was wincing and she was clearly afraid of Tsunade's reaction. After all, Tsunade has a patience that's almost as bad as Naruto's.

She slamed her fist against her desk. "What do you mean, no?" I gave her a lazy expression. "I mean no. I don't want to escort Temari. She's too troublesome so ask someone else." Tsunade glared at me and broke the pencil she was writing with.

"How dare you say no to me! Treat me with respect! Nobody else is up to the task!" I narrowed my eyes at her and started naming names.

"Naruto, Neji, Lee, Chouji, Ino, Sakura, Hinata, Kiba, Shino, Tenten-" Tsunade cut me off.

"They all are on missions. You're the only one, Temari actually knows. If you object any further, I will have a nice little chat with your Mother." I gulped, my mother was scary when she was angry. With that I reluctantly gave in.

My mother came into the room. She sighed, as she saw me flat on the bed. She put her hand on me. "Shikamaru, I know getting up this early is hard for you. Do you want me to get some water to wake you up?"

I groaned, I had no choice but to say yes. I had to get up or I'll suffer the wrath of the Hokage. My mother nodded and retreated into the kitchen.

I haven't seen Temari in a while. She's been in the sand ever since the chunin exams. It's been a year since then. I wonder if she changed at all. Wait a minute she's troublesome-

My thoughts were interrupted by a sudden rush of cold ice water. I jumped 5 feet off my bed and started to shiver. I was so busy complaining in my thoughts about Temari, I forgot that my Mom was supposed to pour the water on me."Go take a hot shower." My mom said. I couldn't see her expression. Too busy shivering.

I just grunted and did what I was told. I have to admit when I was in the shower with hot water I felt a whole lot better. But I still somehow was freezing. After I did the usual, getting dressed, brushing my teeth, eating breakfast, etc I was all ready to go.

"Bye Shikamaru." My mother said as I walked out the door. I just nodded as I headed out. As soon as I was outside, I felt a rush of emotions, coming as fast as the freezing water when my Mother had dunked it onto me. I was confused. Me, Shikamaru Nara was confused.

Only god knows what she'll say when she sees me. After all women are unpredictable, I thought to myself. Right there and then the whole thing started. What you're about to see will cause the most dramatic, unpredictable events.

As I walked to the gates I saw her. I could feel myself redden. Temari was there at the gate. She looked bored as she was crossing her arms, and leaning on her fan."You're my escort." She said with a snort.

Why? She looked like she did. Her abnormal buns were there, and she was wearing the same purple outfit she was when I met her. Her tone of voice was the same too. So why did I feel so nervous and shy? Why did I feel like I was turning so red I was about to explode?

But on the outside I just rolled my eyes. "I don't like this as much as you do. Waking up at 5:30 in the morning is not my forte." Temari just grinned. "Lazy..." I rolled my eyes at her. "Yeah well do I care?" I said trying to look bored and uninterested."

She looked amused. "I don't know do you?" I didn't answer her. There was a long pause of silence and I could tell that Temari was uncomfortable. "I never thought you would be my escort." She said trying to make a conversation.

The silence must be killing her. After all she is a women and women love talking. "Really...? I knew from the start I would be your escort even when Tsunade didn't tell me who would do it."

She tilted her head. "How?" I shrugged. "The men in this village according to Tsunade can't ever escort a women without messing up." Now she looked clueless. "Why?"

I sighed. "Naruto will annoy the hell out of you. Kiba and Shino were on a mission and even so Kiba talks too frigging much and Shino doesn't talk at all. Neji is so cold. You would be scarred just by one glare. Chouji my best friend is clueless and again he might annoy you. Lee is just plain creepy. Oh and Sasuke is not even here."

Temari smiled. "So you were the only one left. No wonder you see me the most often." I nodded slowly. "Yeah apparently to my Hokage my only flaw is that I am a lazy bum. And according to her it can be over looked."

Temari smiled a sheepish grin. "So...in a way you are kind of the most perfect for me." she said in a low murmur. She said it so quiet I couldn't hear her. "What did you say? I couldn't hear you." I asked her.

She looked alarmed. "Oh um nothing. Just talking to myself." I shrugged. She is pretty come to think of it. But not too pretty. I hit my forehead. Shikamaru stop! Don't tell me I like her! Way too troublesome!

Finally we arrived at Tsunade's. "Bye Shikamaru. I'll be staying here for 3 weeks." I nodded and waved goodbye. As she left I heard a movement in the bushes. I rolled my eyes. "Come out Ino."

Ino slowly crept out of the bush. "How long have you known I was there?" I gave her a look. "Since the beginning." She sighed. I immediately started asking questions.

"Why were you following me?" She gave me a nervous smile. "Oh...I just wanted to see how you were doing!" She laughed a little too loud. Yeah right. "Liar. You wanted to see if I was in a relationship with Temari," I pointed out.

She froze. "No I-" I interrupted her. "Or is it a coincidence that you were following me at 6:30 in the morning." She sighed. "Fine. You're right." This puzzled me. "Why?" Ino shrugged. "Cause I'm curious."

"Fine I'm not in a relationship with her there." Ino smiled slightly. "But you like her." I reddened. How the hell- "No I don't." I said this a little too quickly. Ino put her hands on her hips. "I won this time Shikamaru!"

I groaned. She did a victory dance. I rolled my eyes again. "Are you done?" She stopped and nodded. "Was it that obvious?" She shook her head and said "I've known you forever so it was obvious to me. But to her... she didn't have a clue."

I said nothing. "I can be your love coach." I groaned. Ino was butting in as usual. What a pain. "Hell no. You just forget about it and leave." Ino stubbornly shook her head. "It's a good idea. You know nothing about women."

"Love Coaches and guides for love don't exist." She raised her eyebrows. "Then what are therapists? Oh and they exist now." She said trying to prove a point. I can't believe it worked.

"What's the catch?" Ino smiled sheepishly."No catch. Well not really. You just have to do one little thing." I groaned again. I should have known. Ino always had a catch. "All you have to do is tell me everything."

I raised my eyebrows. "That's it?" She nodded. I considered it."Alright fine." She beamed. "You won't regret this!"

But she was wrong. I did regret it. Deeply. I wished I would have been more cautious.

If she didn't become my love coach she wouldn't have ever loved me.