Sacristan

CHAPTER II

“He’s a promising young lad, rebellious, I grant you but I think you’l find him more than satisfactory”

“He’s a hooligan, a thug, a ruffian, little more than a spoilt child”

“Please, Mr Linch. Please, do not allow such an unfortunate first impression colour your opinion of the lad. I’m afraid I can’t blame you for holding such an opinion after such regrettable discourse but I can assure you that young Lucas is a damn hard worker and a chap of exceeding moral fibre. He excels at all things; from the most elaborate and complicated task to even the most menial and mindless of labours.”

“Well, Mr Huxley, while that may indeed be true I find it difficult to believe that one who would behave in such a manner could possess the skills necessary for any kind of labour, menial or otherwise. I’m afraid I cannot offer your boy any form of employment but let him take refuge in the fact that he is, like most of his ilk, terminally unemployable. Now, Mr Huxley I’m afraid I must be on my way as there are important matters that must be attended to.”

Mr Linch turned on his heels and strode away in that most regal manner only the truly unregal gentleman can. Mr Jacob Huxley looked after the man with a look of contemplative contempt. What business did a man like Linch have turning down a boy like Lucas. Lucas appeared at his side, head downcast and Jacob hit him on the back of head.

“Stand up straight, boy! Good posture may be your only virtue.”

As the two left the workhouse, the boy straightened his spine and threw his shoulders back, greatly exaggerating the movement in an attempt to mock his elder’s command.

“You know, you’re not helping this whole business. If you keep up this insufferable attitude I’ll never be rid of you”

“I can hardly be blamed, can I? The man is little more than a leach, honestly, how can so few children be expected to do so much work?”

“It’s simply the way of the world, lad, and for the last time you are to refer to me as sir.”

Jacob closed the rusted iron gate behind them as they left Mr Linch’s property and ventured into the busy streets before turning into a deserted back alley.

“But why is it so? Surely those conditions cannot be healthy, I could barely breath, truly insufferable.” Lucas muttered

“Lucas, it’s exactly that sort of nonsense that keeps people from employing you, I sometimes wonder at your adamant opposition to keeping your internal musings just that. Besides which, why are you so intent on ignoring my instruction, you are to call me sir”

“Well, sir, as you said it was the last time you would say it, I saw no reason to obey as it seemed that you might finally stop going on about it; besides, what about all that nonsense you were saying about that old man, Linch, before we spoke to him?”

Jacob hit Lucas in the back of the head again

“I’d hardly call what I said to that old bastard any kind of nonsense, I just told him that if he continued in his ways he would suffer for it”

“But you didn’t quite phrase it like that, did you?”

“Not as such, no” Jacob admitted

“So, how exactly did you phrase it?”

“Well, I merely told him that if he were to continue in his filthy pagan ways he would spend an eternity in the inner sanctum of Hell where Beelzebub would sodomize him for all eternity.”

“And you say wonder why people find your company so odious”

“As a matter of fact I am very well connected in certain circles, the fact that we have yet not encountered them is of little importance.”