A Day at the Beach

Sitting here, freezing my buttocks off on the edge of the CRACK IN TIME, I look down. Mistake. The blackness is only lit by the faint orange magma hundreds of kilometres down. If you're wondering what happened to make the earth resemble the Apple logo (with a bite taken out of it) then here you go. WARNING: Reading of this story may cause depression, anxiety and a sudden urge to kill all scientists.

OK. So without further ado, I present:

THE STORY OF THE NEAR-ANNIHILATION OF THE PLANET FORMERLY KNOWN AS EARTH!

Many, many years ago, there were a group of scientists who built a machine that collided atoms at nearly the speed of light. One day, these ridiculously stupid idiots created a miniature black hole which was 2 millimetres across, yet weighed 1/5th the mass of the Earth. Instead of vaporising it, they fed it more material until the entire collider exploded, thus causing THE BEGINNING. A quarter of Switzerland's landmass became uninhabitable, killing thousands. The black hole bounced around in Earth's core for a bit, causing some major earthquakes in New Zealand and a huge volcanic eruption in Italy, before settling down below the Glorious Korean Republic. Six days later, it exploded.  A significant portion of the Earth was jettisoned into space- think China, Korea, most of the North Pacific and the Western Americas- and the explosion pushed Earth from it's orbit. I woke up a while later to find most of the Earth frozen over, with frigid oceans and no signs of life. The Earth's temperature dropped 25 degrees Celsius and a ring orbited the planet. Upon closer examination, I made out the shape of the Shanghai World Trade Center floating in the darkness of space. Stop signs, trees- even a car floating up there! A destroyed planet, with a ring of junk orbiting it. Hah. We got what we deserved- hang on a minute, I'm slipping into the hole! *throws diary away* OH SH-

9,000 YEARS AFTER THAT    

Alien scout-ship "Ssnalg Vvek" reporting back to High Command. We have reached the Sol system, home of the planet we studied for so long- Sol-Earth. It is with my deepest regret that I report with terrible news. The planet is not habitable. It seems to have moved out of its orbit and appears a great deal colder, with tiny, pale blue oceans and mountains of ice. There is also a gigantic crater in the the planet which is a few thousand kilometres across. Module hit by strange leafy organism on the way down to surface examination. Rovers recovered rusty plate in a cave with words CALIFORNIA STATE- 2CMK720- Home of Sun and Fun! Rovers also recovered half-buried diary in rocks. Examination commencing back at ship. Search for new has already uncovered one candidate 'Alpha Centauri Two.' Beginning warp drive warm up now...  Estimated journey time 10 days. Farewell, Sol-Earth. It has not been nice knowing you.