Let Me In Your Heart

Finale

He was numb. The moment he heard the name of GOT7 as first place, his body went numb, his heartbeat drummed in his ears and his pulse was sky rocketing. He still pulled off a smile and took the mike from the MC. He gave the speech he had prepared thinking he "just might" have to use it. The sight of his band mates crying and comforting each other made his heart to stop beating. He would be hyperventilating sitting on his knees if he had not trained himself to be composed at every situation. He had to, he was the leader.

He watched the so strong and the sunshine of GOT7, Jackson falter into tears. He watched the oldest member with tear glazed eyes, red cheeks and nose. He saw Youngjae comfort Mark by patting him on the shoulder even thought he himself was crying. He saw the maknae line smile and comfort their hyungs. He saw Jinyoung, he saw him crying, he saw him crying for the hardship they had to face to hold the metal object in their hands and call it a success.

The car ride back to the dorm was different from the usual one. No one spoke. Everyone sat in silence staring out at the window or at nothing in particular. They were thinking, thinking about how far they had come, the things they had to sacrifice, the things they would have to sacrifice in the future and what the future was holding for them.

Entering the dorm, everyone being tired, decided to go to sleep early. They were still on promotion so they had to restore as much energy as they could. Not to mention the upcoming concert they were holding. It was their first concert and everything about it was making them anxious. From the thoughts of messing up to having a total success, everything was eating their minds.

"Aren't you going to sleep?" Jackson asked coming out of the shower. He and Jaebum were the only ones awake. Everybody had taken shower and returned to their beds. "I will, I just need to go over a few things. You can go to bed." Jaebum informed the younger. "Don't stay up too late though, we need to get as much as sleep we can." Jackson said leaving Jaebum in the living room sofa.

He waited for the dorm to become completely quiet. It was almost three in the morning when Jaebum went to the bathroom and locked himself in. He felt it again, his heartbeat drumming in his ears, his stomach twisting and turning in anxiety, his breaths were shaky along with his hands. Jaebum turned into a sobbing mess as leaned on the bathroom and slid down on the floor.

He covered his mouth to stop any sound from escaping mouth. He barricaded his hiccups and loud muffled cry which echoed in the bathroom. It had been ten minutes but he could not stop. The more he tried to stop, the memories returned with tears in his eyes. Flash backs of time when he was said "Not good enough" kept on returning, he kept on thinking about the time when he and Jinyoung had to return as trainees because they weren't good enough.

His hiccups suddenly stopped when he heard someone knock on the door. He remained quiet as his tone was broke and even someone dense could understand he had been crying. "Hyung?" he heard Jinyoung call. He sniffed his nose quietly and tried to call out in the most convenient tone. "Yeah?" he asked but his voice broke in the middle of the word.

"You don't have to do this alone." Jinyoung said from behind the door. "You're going to help me take a shit?" Jaebum replied asking, trying to sound normal. "Don't try this with me. I know what you're doing in there. Let me in. You don't have to be alone. I am right here." Jinyoung said twisting the knob of the bathroom door. "Open the lock." Jinyoung insisted.

"Leave me alone. I don't want to talk right now." Jaebum answered. "Alright then, I'll sit here and stay with you." Jinyoung said. Jaebum heard the sound of the younger sliding down the door and sitting down on the floor with his back leaning on the door. They both sat in quiet with no words in the air. Tears started to form once again in Jaebum's eyes as he remembered how it was always Jinyoung who noticed. It was always Jinyoung who knew and it had always been Jinyoung who said it.