美少年 | hyungwonho

一 | 欲求

the music was blaring in the room, reverberating off of the walls, the notes flowing through my body, tingling sensations traveling up my veins.

but somehow, I couldn't hear it.

it was muffled by the sight of hyungwon.

his lips were parted, inhaling oxygen quickly, heart racing from the dance. it was simply art.

his limbs moved to the sound of the beat changing, each movement like a spark on a wire.

it was with the small smirk tugging at the corner of his lips, that made my already rapid beating heart flutter against my chest.

his laugh was the equivalent to the alluring song of a siren, a pleasant harmony you never wanted to end.

it sent dizzying chills up my spine, my body failing to function at the sound of his symphonic melody.

he was nothing short of captivating. as soon as he walked into a room, I felt it. my palms would grow clammy with beads of sweat appearing from my pores.

my heart would beat so loudly, I could hear it, an overbearing sound. my nerves would shoot, bouncing my leg up and down.

it wasn't until I would look up that I would truly lose it.

the warm inviting glow in his eyes was enough to make your knees buckle. his hair would fall softly over his forehead, glasses possibly being adorned on the bridge of his nose.

his gentle aura of kindness and warmth would disappear when we stepped onto the stage, a teasing smirk gracing his lips, making me even more weak.

but no matter how much I wanted him, desired him, I couldn't have him.

he was meant to be my best friend and nothing more.

if anyone knew about my infatuation with hyungwon, I'd surely destroy the image of Monsta X.

my heart yearned for him. to hold him in my arms, to finally tangle my fingers with his, feel the soft touch of his lips.

but I would be faced with the crushing cruelty of reality.

we were idols. we were both boys.
and in the eyes of the public, a boy shouldn't be with another boy, so I must be forced to listen to the unofficial rules of society.

I don't know if what I'm feeling is wrong, if it's the same as committing a crime to some people, but I all I know is that if it is, I don't want to be right.

I could do all the fan service in the world I wanted with hyungwon, but he wouldn't actually think I like him.

as our manager said when we signed our contracts, nothing beyond fan service if that were to occur.

we all laughed it off, thinking that would definitely never happened.

I guess I was wrong.

as the music cut to an end, I watched as they fell to the cool floor, panting and wiping their foreheads.

I held in my smile as the hem of hyungwon's sweater rose up slightly, his smooth skin being exposed.

I feared that my heart would never stop beating for hyungwon.

because if it did stop, I would surely rather be dead than without him.