美少年 | hyungwonho

十三 | abyss

" babe, my ankle is fine now, let me out of bed. "

hyungwon frowned at me, crossing his arms and narrowing his eyes as if to examine if I was showing any feeling of pain.

" I don't think so. "

I sighed, running my fingers through my hair. we were back in South Korea now and even at the airport in New York, he carried me.

the wrap around my ankle was starting to annoy me. we just got back yesterday and manager hyung let us have a break for the rest of the week.

" hyungwon- "

" if it feels better then stand up and take a couple steps. "

he raised his eyebrows in expectancy, still with his arms crossed. I swung my legs over the edge of the bed, preparing to stand.

I could tell his sassiness was starting to fade as his face dropped, arms beginning to reach out towards me.

I first put weight on my good foot, standing up on it. My balance was a little wobbly as I hadn't stood in a while.

hyungwon was quick to hold his arms out in front of me, his worry surfacing.

I gritted my teeth at the ache in my ankle as I slightly stepped forward, holding in a whimper.

I couldn't show pain, or I would be confined to the mattress for the rest of the week.

" hoseok, if you can't do it, don't. I don't want you to fall. "

I let out a deep breath as I gripped hyungwon's hand, trying to walk forward.

trying to walk on my ankle was taking so much energy out of me, I gave up, falling back onto the bed.

I tugged at the strands of my hair, growling in frustration.

" baby, you need to stay off of it. "

I felt a few tears stream down my cheeks, hating the fact I couldn't walk.

hyungwon sighed, sliding into bed next to me. he lightly grabbed my neck, guiding my head to the crook of his neck.

I let out a sob as I wrapped my arms around his waist.

" I love you, okay? you're my strong little fighter. you work way too hard and you need a break. stop pushing yourself. "

I tried to form words through my whimpers, self loathing beginning to take over my emotions.

" no, I don't work hard enough. I don't deserve the fans. I don't deserve the guys. I don't deserve you. "

he placed his hands on my cheeks, pulling my head back so he could look at me.

" never say that, hoseok, do you hear me? I love you, the fans love you. whoever says you don't work hard is lying and if they have a problem with you, they're gonna have to deal with me first. "

I shook my head, shying away from his touch.

" you're just saying that because you feel sympathetic. I'm sorry I'm a burden to you. I'm sorry I don't work hard enough. I'm sorry you have to put up with me. "

hyungwon's eyes welled up with tears and I broke down, moving away as he tried to grab me.

" I'm sorry I'm disgusting, that I'm ugly. you deserve so much better. "

hyungwon shook his head and I almost fell off of the bed when I couldn't back away anymore but he was quick to catch me, wrapping his arm around me.

" stop saying these things wonho- "

" say it. "

he furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, wiping my tears.

" say what? "

" that I'm a burden. you didn't want to be with me to begin with- oh my god. I forced you. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. "

" what? hoseok, you didn't force me into anything. I'm in love with you. you're my soulmate. "

I looked at him in the eyes, my heart melting all over again.

I ran my thumb over his pouty lips, falling into a trance as I leant forward, pressing my lips to his.

I nearly fell in love all over again, but I had to stop.

I willed myself to pull away, breathing him in one more time.

" leave. "

" what- "

" leave, hyungwon. I'm worthless and you don't deserve that. "

his jaw dropped and I sobbed, pushing him away.

I felt the weariness of before hyungwon and I were together come back and suddenly my limbs were to heavy to move.

I collapsed on the bed, not able to move an inch.

" hoseok! what's going on- "

my vision was blurried with tears as I felt my heart rate slow down and my eyelids become heavier.

" please just go. "

I heard a sob leave his mouth and my hearing became distant. I did hear the door opening and yelling from what I think was kihyun.

" what's going on!? "

" I don't know. he was saying his ankle was fine so I asked him to walk and he couldn't do it and then he started saying these things about how he's a burden to me and how he's worthless. he's telling me to leave. "

I could feel every organ in my body shutting down at the divide between my bishonen and I.

" don't just stand there! once he does this, he will die if we don't get him to the hospital. you're not supposed to let him push you away, his body's shutting down, hyungwon! "

all I saw was the panicked looks of my friends as I began to drift off into nothing but darkness.

the last thing I heard before I slipped into unconsciousness was the strangled and completely heartbroken sob of my lover.

" shin hoseok, don't you die on me. "