I DO NOT OWN ANYTHING EVERYTHING BELONGS TO DC AND KAI MACIEL THE ORIGINAL AUTHOR OF THIS BOOK
WARNING LONG CHAPTER AHEAD
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Hong KongNovember 18, 06:40
It had been a while since Jason had travelled by airplane and, honestly, it made him appreciate how much faster and practical their ship was. Man, he hated jet lag.
It's no use whining about it now, the raven haired teen thought. The ship needs repairs and Roy would probably kill me if I took it during the "checkup".
Jason had to admit that he was impressed with Roy's sudden interest on electronics. At first, he thought the archer was only trying to impress Kori by trying to learn all there was to know about Tamaranian's tech, but it had become a passion for him. As a former Robin, Jason knew more about technology than your average sidekick, but Roy was becoming even better than him.
But neither of you are as good as Nightwing, an insecure, hateful part of himself thought despite all of his efforts to keep it quiet. No matter how much you try, you'll never be as good as Nightwing. Even the Replacement is better than you.
Jason bit his lip and closed his hands into fists, using the pain to calm himself. A year ago he wouldn't have been able to do it; he would have started punching something or someone to stop those thoughts. Not now, not anymore. He wasn't going to allow it.
I'm not going to fall apart. I'm not going to fall apart. Jason chanted the words in his mind, forcing himself to keep his composure. Just breathe slowly. You got this. Just a bit more.
He didn't know how much the Lazarus pit had changed him, but he realized it had made him a lot more violent than he used to be. He went to sleep angry and woke up even angrier. All of a sudden, his mind would be filled with negative thoughts about himself, the Joker, Batman, Dick, the Replacement and everyone around him. He called it 'the hate storm'.
For awhile, the hate and anger had been welcome, because they would be so powerful that it would prevent him from feeling anything else. But the anger often blinded him and made him lose control of himself. By the time 'the hate storm' dissipated from his mind, Jason would realize he had murdered a lot more goons without even being aware of his actions.
He was scared of this part of himself, the part that didn't know what he was doing because he was so blinded by rage. It didn't make him any different from a vicious beast, which was why he decided he was going to control it.
Fortunately, it seemed that the effects of the pit were fading. He didn't enjoy murder as much as he used to. It was still there, the anger the hatred, but he learned how to control them instead of letting them control him, even if he still used them to protect himself from despair and self-pity.
He'd rather feel angry than pathetic and sad.
Feeling his head lighter, Jason stared at his watch. It had taken him twenty seconds to calm down. Not bad, but he had to do better. He wanted to be in control, completely lucid, so he could finally complete his mission.
His resurrection had been just that, a mission. He had never asked to be brought back from the dead. He didn't want this dark miracle, but he was alive now and the only thing that could keep him sane was having a clear goal.
Red Hood was created to avenge Jason Todd and all the previous and future victims of the Joker. He was going to find the clown and send that pile of garbage to hell. Batman's greatest failure was going to do what his mentor couldn't and show him and his "family" what he thought of them now that he knew how they truly felt about his pitiful existence.
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Live to Rise
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