Equivalent To Her

Chapter 1

My name is Leah Stone. I won't lie to you, this is going to be a bit of an emotional rollarcoaster..or, at least, it was for me. But if you're willing to hear out my story, thank you, you're one of the rare ones. It's not a huge thing to other people, I didn't survive a war, I wasn't beaten by my parents and I have never done anything really worthy to write about. All that I did...was fall in love with the wrong guy. With my older brothers best friend. Maybe I'm getting ahead of myself...maybe I should back up a bit. It all started back when I was 5 years old...

"Leah, honey! It's time to go! Justin and Bryan are all ready to leave!" I giggled excitedly as I combed out my ponytail once more. My hair was always up and in a design and that's the way I liked it. I jumped up and down and skipped over to my daddy. "Daddy, daddy! Justin's coming, right?!" Suddenly, I felt a poke on my shoulder, and I came face to face with the boy I wanted to see. "Yup! I'm coming, Leah!" Justin had a small smile on his face that made me giggle as I walked out the door with my daddy, Justin, and my brother, Bryan.

When we got to the elementary school dance, I could smell something really yummy, and I saw lights and kids my age running around with glow sticks everywhere. Games were being held, and there was even a dance floor! I was so excited as I hopped my way into the gymnasium. "Daddy! Can I have a drink?!" My father nodded and ruffled my hair as he went o get me a cup of pop. Bryan followed just after him, leaving Justin and I alone. "Justin! What are you planning on doing?" He shrugged. "Not sure. Hang out with Bryan, I suppose. And you, of course." He ruffled my hair, just as my dad did and I felt myself pout. "What's wrong?" I looked down. "Don't treat me like I'm a little child..! You're not THAT much older than me.." Justin laughed a little. "Still worried about those three years I got on ya, eh? Don't worry Leah, I know you're very grown up." This caused me to giggle again as my daddy came back again and handed me my cup. Later, Bryan and Justin had left somewhere to go hang out, but I saw then return just as a really slow, lovey dovey song came on. I felt my daddy gently pull on my arm as he pointed to Justin. "Why don't you go ask Justin to dance, Leah?" My eyes widened and I felt hot. "But..daddy, these are the kind of songs you and mommy dance to..!" My daddy chuckled a little, though I didn't really understand why. "Come, Leah. Just go ask. What's the worst that could happen?" "But daddy-!" I stopped myself when I felt someone tap on my shoulder, and I twirled around only to see Justin, offering his hand to me. "Leah. May I have this dance?" I looked up at my daddy with a, "help me" kind of face, but he only nodded in encouragement. I could see I had lost, so I smiled politely and took Justin's hand as he led me to the dance floor. I had absolutely no idea how to dance, and when I informed Justin of this, he laughed a little. "You worry too much, you know that, Leah? Here, just follow my lead." I took a deep breath in and then out and tried to do as he said. All we were really doing was swaying along with the increasingly slow music, yet I was having so much fun, I couldn't wipe the smile off of my face. "You okay, Leah? You don't hate this so much, do you?" I shook my head and giggled. "No! I love this!" My hands were in his and we just kept swaying until the song ended. Bryan came by, dragging Justin away with him, and as he left, he gave me a warm smile. That, was my very first memory of him.
Now, I am 17, just turned. But where I would like to start this story, is at the age of twelve. Where it all started.

I didn't want to. It felt so weird, swallowing a pill like that. I had a very hard time believing that this...small, round, white thing was supposed to stop my anxiety. "Leah...please, just take it. It'll help, I promise." I shook my head. "Mom, I seriously doubt this...tablet is going to do anything." She shook her head. "Please just try, okay Leah?" I sighed nervously, and then, with little hesitation, I swished some water in my mouth, and downed the pill. It slide down my throat all too easily. "Mom! I did it! Not even Bryan can swallow pills!" I exclamed excitedly. My mother gave a warm smile. "Nope, he surely can't. I'm happy for you, dear." I squealed in happiness, as I took in my celebration that FINALLY I could do something my perfect older brother couldn't. And perfect he was. Bryan was shy and nerdy, he was extremely good with school and computers. He was a straight A student, with the occasional B. He even cried a few weeks ago, when he got a C. He had a few really good friends, he was always extremely optimistic and happy. He was mature and gave amazing advice. Everyone respected my 15 year old brother, and everyone loved him. I definitely thought my mother favored him over me, but they always told me it wasn't true, and what reason did they have for lying? I also had a younger sister. Her name was Bailey. She was 10 years old, and she followed me and Bryan around everywhere. She was also very loud and optimistic. I, being the middle child, was a little different. I had just recently come out to my mother that I had anxiety and depression. I realized it myself about a year ago. School was a big trigger for me, it TERRIFIED me. I noticed that not all the other kids worried so much as me when they had a late assignment, or got a detention. The other kids were able to speak in front of others without feeling like they couldn't breathe and the other kids definitely wanted to be outside and active more than I did. I worried about literally everything, and I never had the energy to do anything about it. My parents had just bought me my first bottle of medication, and I knew it was going to help. I was definitely the problem child, and I had learned to accept that. Sadly, I had no friends. I had lived through many years of school with absolutely no one by my side. I was bullied every day, but I was more or less used to it by now. I had one friend, and he was the best one I could ever have asked for. I knew Justin for as long as I could remember, and he was my very first friend. He was always there for me, and he never failed to make me laugh or smile. When he came over, he would play video games with Bryan and I, and even though Bryan would always beat us, we lost together. Speaking of which, today was Friday. Justin came over every Friday! I immediately smiled and went downstairs to wait for Justin.

He came shortly after. He did what he always did, which was hug me and began to play video games with Bryan and I.
"Dude, not fair! You keep cheating." Bryan laughed at Justin. "Nah man, just better than you, that's all. Even Leah agrees, right sis?" I tilted my head and smiled innocently. "Hmm?" Justin laughed and ruffled my hair. "Cutie." I looked up at him and giggled. Bryan rolled his eyes and focused back on the game, but I noticed Justin kept looking back at me. I felt my cheeks grow warm as he smiled and I felt a bit of fear hit my gut and travel in my stomach. I had never grown hot just by looking at someone before. Maybe I was sick? I made an excuse to leave the room, and I ran upstairs up to my bedroom, and shut the door quickly. My face felt extremely hot and my body was shaking. "It's..probably nothing.." I tried to convince myself as I laid in bed to sleep, in an attempt to ward off another anxiety attack.