I Was There

Chapter 5: McDonald's

As much as Tyler tried not to, he kept remembering the terror in Ally’s eyes as she fell. The way she thought she was dying shown through in her screams and the call of Tyler’s name. These images haunted him every time he closed his eyes, and by seven o’clock that night, they drooped with exhaustion. He hadn’t eaten anything since the morning before, and a chocolate bar that morning. So it was safe to say he was hungry and tired. Taking one last glance behind him to look at Ally, Tyler stepped out of the room, then the hospital. He drove Ally’s car over to McDonald’s and ordered something. It was a lot-more than his average-but a fair amount so he could satisfy the current hunger and fill enough for another long period of time.

Taking his food to a familiar booth, Tyler thought again of Ally; this time smiling from the opposite side of the table. It was the summer after ninth grade, and Ally had ditched “some guy”-who was actually the mayor’s son-to hang out with Tyler. “Playing hard to get.” “He’s a weakling.” Were a few of the excuses, although he already knew the real reason she chose him over the other guy was much deeper. Not long after that day, Tyler had chosen to ask out Ally and see where it went. Then the relationship started to get serious, Tyler started to get scared. He was worried what would happen if they didn’t work out in the end, like how it would affect their friendship, and if they could even handle any of the fallout. Tyler remembered how he had thought for hours and hours on what to do to end the relationship but uphold their friendship, only to come up with one solution: if Tyler became gay.

So, telling her he was gay, he broke up with her, but still remained friends. No one but her “knew” about it, and she was sworn to secrecy. Everyone around them still believed they were dating, and Tyler let them. HE didn’t want everyone thinking he was gay, only Ally. If anyone had found out, they had kept their lips sealed…Ally had asked to tell her dad, just so she could get away with hanging out with him late at night or alone. Many times Tyler wanted to take advantage of that fact and just tell Ally the truth-and not inform her dad.

Tyler knew that Ally wished he wasn’t gay, and it was black-and-white in the comments she made, or the look she gave sometimes. Tyler could feel it too on his own face. Tyler longed to be with Ally in every way, but would rather suffer and keep the friendship, than tell her and risk everything. He had thought several times of if they were together, and what it’d be like; he even, sometimes, thought of if they were married…what the wedding would be like, if they had children or adopted…All this entranced Tyler as he ate.

Again, he thought back to a memory of Ally. It was her sixteenth birthday party. Tyler had suggested a simple night alone, watching a movie, but her friends had convinced her to have a huge party. It was at her house, and some kid had brought booze and spiked the punch. Tyler was in disagreement of it all, and tried to keep close tabs on Ally, worried she would get hurt. After searching for a long time, Tyler had found Ally dancing crazily in a drunken stupor on the kitchen table. Shoving everyone aside, Tyler approached Ally and pulled her down off the table and carried her up to her room. That was when he told her he was gay. When Ally didn’t believe him, he had no choice but to prove it…he panicked and doing the first action that popped in his head, Tyler spun Ally around and kissed her.

Tyler will never forget that kiss; he felt like he could live and die in the moment their lips met. His world exploded into passion and fire, burning away all the secrets and leaving nothing but pure feeling. He almost couldn’t stop himself, but when he finally did, he pulled her back and looked into her eyes. Tyler almost brought her back in for another one, but forced himself to forget the feelings and lie: “See, nothing.”

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Tyler threw his trash away and walked out to the car wearing his heart on his sleeve. On his way, he glanced to the restaurant patio and saw a boy and girl laughing hysterically. They didn’t pay any attention to anyone around them; they were completely absorbed in each other’s company. Feeling even more pathetic than before, Tyler started to cry again. The truth was, he might never share a similar day with Ally ever again. He sat down in the front seat of the car and thought for a minute. He needed a shower and fresh clothes, so he decided it was unavoidable…he had to go home.