Addiction

Mother? Part 2

Robin

Growing up, I literally couldn't stand my mother. The word hate wouldn't be able to describe the way I felt about her. My life was torn into shambles because of the lack of love that my mother gave me. She ruined my life without even being in it.

I mean, can you imagine looking outside of the curtains and realizing your mother isn't sitting in the front row? I was seven, for crying out loud! Never has she congratulated me or even said I was any good at something. The tears I once shed will never compare to pain that I'd endured because my mother was never around. Long story short, I grew up hating my mother for what she didn't do.

The bullying never stopped because my mother never went down to the school to talk to the principles about switching classes or calling anyone's parents. The beatings from my father never ceased because my mother never caught him and kicked him out for hurting her pride and joy, after she beat his ass. Catching a disease in high school wasn't hard because my mother never taught me how to avoid the life of a fast ass little girl. I never did my homework in school cause I was never whooped because my teacher told my mom I was failing their class. Dropping out of high school was a success because I was never told to stay in school and to not end up like my father. Selling drugs was easy because I was just trying to find my mother's love in a duffel bag full of marijuana and cocaine. I never found what I was looking for though. Sitting in a jail cell, where I could stretch my arms out and touch both sides of the walls, was simple because I was a lonely sailor before I even stepped foot inside what most called 'hell' .

Do I blame my mother for the life that I had to suffer? No I don't. Everything that I've been through was done because of me. My mother didn't put a gun to my head and force me to be a bad child, but her not being here was the perfect match for a gun. I despised myself for loving her so much. I guess it's true what they say, A mother's love is unconditional.

I remember working my ass off in school trying to satisfy her praying that one day she'd find out how good her son is and maybe one day I'd see her at one of my games or at least a spelling bee. I remember asking myself daily, Why wasn't I good enough for her? Why didn't she want me in her life? What did I do wrong? For years my questions went unanswered. Being nice soon became a played out action because she never came to see my success. I never got a birthday party because my dad was a drunk who used my body as a punching bag.

"Hey what's wrong?" Reign frantically asked interrupting my train of thought. I was so far in my head that I had forgot she had come over to smoke a few blunts with me.

"Oh nothing, I'm fine." I mumbled, deeply inhaling the blunt that has rested itself in my hand for at least thirty seconds. The look that adorned Reign's face was a look of disbelief. A look I knew all to well.

"If you're so fine, than why are you crying?" She asked while bringing her hand up to my face to wipe away the wet substance that was surely falling from my eyes. I didn't even realize I was crying. I wanted to tell her the truth behind my tears but I knew that, this situation was the only thing that she couldn't handle. Growing up, Reign's mother was the essence of her life. She loved her mother dearly and I couldn't stand to see baby girl cry because of something I brought up.

"Now what happened?" She asked taking the awaiting blunt out of my hands and took a deep pull. I wanted to tell her really bad but than she'd hate her for leaving her trapped in a bed full of lies and I didn't want that to happen. All of her life, she adored her with all of her soul and it would actually kill her to know the truth about her. I know because it literally killed me when I found out.

"It's really nothing, I was just missing someone very important to me." I lied. She just wasn't ready to know the truth yet. Luckily, she dropped the conversation and we began to just speak about random shit. Reign is probably the most hilarious female I've ever met. She's just so blunt about everything she says, and she's so laid back. It sucks to know that it took me fifteen years to find out this really great information about her. For about thirty minutes, we just sat on my couch just geeking the fuck out. That is until Reign's body decided to let us both down and put her ass to sleep.

In all of my nineteen years of living, never have I ever heard something so mellow and harmonic, except the sound of Reign's little snores. They were so cute for a seventeen year old. Man, I wish I could have been there when she was growing up. I bet it would've been hilarious to see her and her mother interact.

I'm talkin 'bout puttin' on, ridin' out; Glocks in my ma's house
Front you with that work (I done fronted niggas work - OH-OHHH~!)
You say you want that head up but we don't fight fair brah
Catch you slippin' from your backside, they knock you out
Ace gon' stomp you out then Buddah gon' stomp you out
(Has momma ever seen you with a busted eye and busted mouth?!)
Nine milli pokin' out, fo-fizzy pokin' out
Death Row days, show you what this West Coast about

Hearing my phone go off startled me, forcefully causing me to slightly jump out of pure shock. I quickly went to retrieve my phone from my pocket before it awoken Reign out of her little nap. Looking down at the screen Avery popped up on the screen instantly causing a grin to form on my face. "When did you get out Nigga?" I instantly asked. Growing up, I didn't have a lot of true friends that didn't expect anything from me except for Avery and his crew. I met him in alternative school, my freshman year, and he had jumped into a fight with me and five guys. We instantly clicked after that day.

"Last month but check this out, come open the damn door nigga. It feels like the Devil came and sat his ass crack on earth." He stated before Justin's loud mouth ass just had to be heard stating that the weed he had was about to light it self up and smoke it's damn self. I chuckled at how stupid this dumb ass nigga could be. Once I hung up the phone, these niggas just had to start making beats on my front door. Scared that their obnoxious ass knocking would soon wake up Reign I semi ran towards the door to let these niggas in. Ignorant motherfuckers I tell you.

"Cousins! Wassup!" I screamed quoting Lucky from Poetic Justice. It's sort of became a thing we started doing once we saw the movie for the first time. It actually became one of my all time favorite movies, plus Janet Jackson sexy ass was in it. Lucky was a lucky ass nigga to be able to get her, I swear.

"Wassup?!" Justin screamed while we did our little handshake while Avery just walked into my house, like he owned the place, with a strong scent of weed soaking through his clothes causing my house to yet again smell like weed. "This a nice ass crib you got here." He mumbled while he made his way towards the kitchen taking a peek inside my refrigerator, fat ass.

"Aye who this laying on your couch?" Justin asked all up in her face like he was about to kiss her or some shit. This nigga is just weird as shit. "She's sexy as shit nigga!" He yelled running his hands through her hair.

"Nigga get the fuck out of her face nigga. I swear if you wake her up!"

"Chill nigga, I'm not gone wake your girl up, so chill." He stated cutting off my little rant.

"She's not my girl, she's just very important to me." I mumbled making my way towards the kitchen with Justin on my tale. Avery fat ass was eating a bag of chips while rolling up a fat blunt.

"So you don't mind if I holla at lil shorty?" Justin asked placing his arm on my shoulder with a cheeky grin covering his face. Immediately my protective instincts began to kick in and my blood began to boil deep inside of my soul.

"Naw nigga, that's right there is off limits, so don't even try it, better yet don't even think about her!" I semi yelled feeling my anger rise at the thought of this nigga dogging out baby girl. That's just not happening, especially when I just came into baby girl's life.