unstoppable

Once you start, there is no hope in being able to stop.

With no love, no wisdom, no thought of the power that lay beyond her broken and burning heart, she sliced the flesh that lay in front of her dripping wet eyes. Mascara running down her soft and self-conscious checks, foundation fading as the body of her own shakes in fear. The blade within her fragile and steady finger tips… the powerful, sharp, dripping with her innocence blade strikes three, the blood flowing from the wrist of which was once held in love, dreams, power and passion. Making a blood stream down to her pointy and skinny elbow, as the blood stream falls off the path and begins to find its way, dropping onto the small but broad and cold feet. She breathes non steady breaths as the thought stays in her mind, lonely, un wanted, afraid, and confused in the big, vicious and dark life that may lay ahead if the blade doesn’t end it now.

9 months before…

the shy face of her own was lying within a warm, cuddly bed next to the one that had helped her through the difficulties of reality, little did she know she was being taught the judgemental, wanting, bitchy time of a teenager. She lay over joyed as the one she has had her eyes on since she can even remember asked her to be his girlfriend, another side of her is scared of the uncertainty of the reality of what had just happened.

3 months later…

Her face brightened up with joy, happiness and love as she seen her man walk up to her door with a smile on his face, she approached him by running as fast as lightning, wrapped her body around his and squeezed him so tight as If they were the only two on the world that had the joy of being alive. The times they spent together were free, fun, and everything you would imagine it would be like as a happy couple but towards the 5 month mark of their relationship she started feeling like the world was ganging up on her. There were too many unhappy moments and rules, she was trapped in a world of wonder by the struck of losing the one she cared most for, she was caged in a little room of darkness and un-enjoyable moments yet to come.

2 and half months later…

Crying tears of torture from within her human body, she reveals the reality of the structure of their relationship to him. They are unhappy together, like a pair of magnets slowly losing their power of sticking together, she takes the cover off her heart and the words she has been hiding for 3 weeks have finally pushed their way through all the bullshit, confusion and unstableness. At last the words she thought she wanted to hear, he gave her, ‘we are over’, she were to be free but that was just about to kick her in the face..

1 month later…

He and only he was on her mind every second, minute, hour, day, night... she needed a band aid because she broke her warm heart falling for him, she had a thought to her mind of which reconciled the fact that she will be over him in no time but he was everywhere... every class, every shop, every time she looked on Facebook, he was there not even caring in front of her painfully and desperate stand. She realised that the best part of her was always him; she kept reminding herself of the horrible thought that bad things are meant to happen for a reason but when does the pain end and drift away?

Laying in a bed full of cold, fear, darkness and  broken memories haunting she that lay in front, the misunderstanding of their relationship was being unlocked as she knows there is nothing more painful than this she spots a tool laying lonely on her bedside table, a pair of scissors with thick, cold and bright beautiful blades. Her shaking, upset hand reached for the one thing in the world that could possibly help her to distress and get rid of the emotional pain by focusing on the physical torture that is placed upon one to escape such emotion, such focus, such hurt, such reality. She held the vicious blade near her already red from squeezing wrist, she places it closer... and closer… and closer... until it is resting on top of her precious skin, she pushes the blade within her wrist and then stops and stares at what she is doing to herself. As she is confused she slowly pulls the scissors away from her unmarked skin and places them on top of her wooden bed side table. She realises that by hurting herself people will disown her as a person, she would become judged for the pain she had caused herself because no one else understands exactly how it feels to be her in her shoes.