Bob was just an average man, living in Denver Colorado, when one day everything he had was questioned. When a new, perfect girl walks into his life, what will happen? What will his wife think?
"ARRRRGHH." Laying on the comfy bed, I roll over and the light from the outside world blinds me.
"AMY CLOSE THE BLINDS." Yelling at my wife, I notice a small figure standing at the door.
"Oh hey there Charlie." It was my 5 year old daughter Charlotte.
"Hi Daddy." She says happily running over to me.
I try to cover up my naked body with the blankets as she hops up.
"Charlie, how about you go and get Teddy to make you some cereal? Daddy has to pee." It was a lie, I didn't really have to pee.
As she glares at me with her baby blue eyes and golden locks, I feel bad for lying, but I need to get ready for work.
She jumps off the bed, plopping her feet on the floor. "Okay Daddy."
***
"Hi, I'm Bob Duncan... Bob's Bugs Be Gone" I say to myself standing in the mirror. Making a gun motion and then slicking my hair back, I look good today. :-)
Suddenly a familiar tune catches my attention.
"Boooooooobbbbbbb?! Where are you??? Toby needs to be changed!" What a NAGGING voice. Must be my wife.
"I'll be right there, hunny."
I quickly slipped on a pair of old black slacks, a belt (recently lost a ton of weight, BOOYAH), and a light blue polo with the logo for my company attached to the top.
After tying my shoes, I walked out the bedroom door, taking one more glance at my manly figure in the mirror (wink wink ;-)). I slid down the banister and saw my rugged wife hustling around the living room.
Our 1 year old son, Toby laid on the couch, alone.
"Really Amy??? You left the baby unattended AGAIN? After doing this thing four times, you'd think you would have this down by now but noooo----"
"Bob." She stopped in her tracks and pointed her finger at my face. "Don't even start with me." She growled. Her being so close to me, I noticed she smelled like dirty laundry and baby.
"Go take a shower Amy. You stink."
I nudged her and she stomped up the stairs, mimicking me.
"Tedddyyyyy!!!!!" I yelled at my teenage daughter to come.
"Yeah dad?" She peeked her head around kitchen door opening.
"Change Toby, I have to go."
"But dad, I have to make Charlie breakfast like you directed me to do." She scowled and went back into the kitchen.
After calling multiple times for my son Gabe, he finally came.
"Gabriel, change your brother, I have to go."
"Dad.. I have to inform you about something..." He said slowly patting me one the back. "Pj is a big boy now and he can change himself. I'm sorry I had to tell you myself, but you had to know."
"Gabe. Do it."
If your wondering, I have another son. Pj. It's short for Paddy John. But, accidentally at the doctors office, i was a little nervous for my first kid, and my hand was a little shaky.. So his name was legally Potty John. HAHA "accidentally"
Anyways... Pj is moved into his own apartment now. Teddy, Gabe, Charlie, and Toby still live at home.
"Okay, kids. Take care of your brother and sister while your mom is in the shower. I'll see you tonight."
I walked out the door. Man, today was gonna be good :-)
******
"Hi, I'm Bob Duncan, from Bob's Bugs Be Gone. I heard you had a pest?"
"Yeah I have two. Natalie and Mitch, but I don't think you can deal with them." The woman at the door chuckled. She looked to be about 20 or 30. Just my kind of woman. No, Bob. You're married.
I laughed out of pity when she continued. "No, actually I have a raccoon stuck in the basement and it scared my mom, I was hoping you could help."
"Bob can do it. Bob can do it." I chanted under my breath. "Yeah, sure thing. Let me just go get some appliances."
I took one more glance at her. She had long, reddish brown hair and glowing, tan skin. She smelled of vanilla and cinnamon, just how Amy USED to smell.
Grabbing my appliances, my hands couldn't stop shaking. I don't know how I was going to do this without jumping her bones :-(
***
About 30 minutes and 50 wounds later, I finally captured the raccoon.
"Oh Bob. You have nooo idea how much that means to me." She said, seducing me, I assumed.
"Oh I think I know." I said, caressing her face in my hands. "I captured the raccoon, just like how you captured my heart."
I took a deep breathe and kissed her right on the mouth. Her lips were soft and tasted like bacon.
She pulled away quickly. "I'm sorry, I can't do this."
"What's wrong? You're smokin hot, I'm smokin hot. Nothing can go wrong :-)"
"Bob. My name is Marla. Marla..... Dabney.
I HAVE BEEN BETRAYED. AND SET UP.
"DABNEY?!" I said gasping, trying not to faint, holding myself up by the side of the couch.
"I'm sorry Bob. I've been stalking you for a couple weeks now. I've been living at my mom's and I finally moved back into my own place. When I was living there, I saw you. I saw you pull up to the house next door and walk out of your truck. When I first saw you, butterflies filled my whole stomach and I nearly barfed. You're so manly, Bob Duncan. And..... I love you."
What? Well I AM pretty hot if I do say so myself, but she's a DABNEY. I can't abandon my family. I can't. Especially not with a Dabney.
"I'm sorry Bob. And when I saw your wife, at first I couldn't handle myself. But I got the idea... That you and I move to Hawaii."
"Yes" I spoke without thinking. What about Amy? What about the kids?
Why did I just agree to this? With a DABNEY woman?!?
"Oh Bobby, I knew you would understand." She smiled and groped my chest.
We exchanged numbers and planned to meet the next day at Quicky Chicky.
******
When I got home, my wife had prepared sloppy Joe's.
I walked into the kitchen to find Gabe sitting quietly, surprise surprise. Teddy holding up a a plate to her face, avoiding a heap of sloppy Joe meat flying in her direction. Pj with messy hands, being the one pelting it at her. Toby and Charlie sitting at a small kids table that Amy must have put together for the meal. And Amy, standing tall, proud of what she was witnessing.
"Woah, kids. Settle down." I said patting Pj on the head.
I took some buns (and no not the good kind :-( ) and some meat and took a seat next to Charlie, my favourite child.
"Hey there Charlie. How's your dinner?"
"Good, Daddy." She sqeaked, taking another bite, getting it in her curly hair.
"Hey Bobby. How was work?" Amy kneeled next to me. She was wearing more makeup than usual.
"It was ok"
"I have a little surprise for you later, hunny" She winked and walked to the sink, shaking her booty. I could see her thong hanging out from the top.
"Dad guess what I found out today?"
"Yes Gabe?"
"Well i was over at Mrs. Dabney's house....... um.. picking up some garbage for the poor old lady.." he lyed. "...and I found out she has a daughter who has a crush on.. dare I say it.. you." He raised his eyebrow.
"Daddy has a girl friend!!!" Charlie piped.
Oh snap.
I looked over at Amy who was almost choking.
"No no Charlie. You see, me and your daddy are married. He can't have a girlfriend, because I'm his girlfriend, but just... better"
"No. I'm in love with Marla and we're leaving forever."
Teddy choked on her food and everyone laughed.
ha
ha
ha
Cause I'm "kidding"
"Wow funny one Dad!" Teddy said through her laughter.
"Dabney" I scowled under my breath.
******
After dinner I stormed over to Dabney's.
After knocking on the door just once, she stood at the door.
"What do you want Duncan?"
She was large, and gross.
"You told my son about me and Marla?!"
"Yes. And you'll have to pay me to keep my yap shut about anything else."
"Dabney, you're not going to say anything to my family."
"I am a very apeeeeealing person, Duncan."
Without another word, I snapped her neck. She was the most unappealing person I knew.
***
When I got home, Amy was waiting for me on the bed. She was wearing a pink lingerie set she must have just gotten.
"Oh hello there Bob" She smirked. I couldn't even look at her.
I went to the dresser and grabbed all my Bob's Bugs Be Gone clothes and a backpack.
"Bob? What ARE you doing?!"
"Amy, I told you. I love Marla."
She was now putting on her white robe, covering her body. Thank goodness.
She didn't say another word, just put her arms around my waist.
I pushed her off, and she collapsed onto the hard floor. She started wailing.
She called for Teddy who I could now hear running up the stairs. Grabbing my bag, I departed out the bedroom door, pushing my daughter out of the way.
I ran downstairs and grabbed my golden child Charlie.
I shouldn't have kidnapped my 5 year old daughter.. All she was going to be was a cock block. But I had too.
After strapping the crying child into the passenger seat of my Bobs Bugs Be Gone truck, we left for Marlas.
Marla packed her belongings and we departed for Hawaii :-)
*********AMY'S POV*********
Bob left. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
NOOOOOOO
NOOOOOOOOOO
NOOO
NOOOOOO
NOOO
NOO
NO
no
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
*******GABE'S POV*********
The fatty left :-(
*******CHARLIE'S POV**********
Daddy are you ok? Where's Mommy. Im hungry. Oooh I want donuts :( Daddy let's get donuts :) Wait whats going on?
**********PJ'S POV**********
Just gotta warm this chicken up. Wow I have a great job.
**********DABNEY'S ZOMBIE POV**********
Stupid Duncan can't kill me.
******TEDDY'S POV********
My dad just left with Charlie. I have homework I have to do. Which do I deal with first? Hm.... Homework. But first I have to make a video diary for Charlie like I do every day.
"Hey Charlie, it's your big sister Teddy. Dad just kidnapped you and I think you're going to Hawaii. Ya little piece of crap. I wanna go to Hawaii. Ya little brat lol. Okay so Good Luck Charlie lol.
