Pilgrimage To Flavortown

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by TheFlavorTownPolice

by TheFlavorTownPolice

Dear Diary,

Mood: Salty

I was only 9 years old, I loved me some Fieri. That is why I legally changed my name to Guy Fieri: Guy, so they know I'm a man, and Fieri because it's a righteous word. Naw bros, I'm just playin'. Guy Fieri is my real name and eating excessive amounts of food is my game.

My journey began the morning of the nienteeth it was raining and the tears that fell from my possibly brown eyes (I'm too scared to look in a mirror, I just kind of guess) matched the weather perfectly. I was awakened from my slumber by the sweet sound of Smash Mouth's 'All Star' blaring from my Shrek shaped alarm clock. Normally I would turn it off, but today was not one of those days. No, today I stayed in bed and hummed along to the sweet melodies.

The second verse was fast approaching and I knew that if I didn't get out of bed, bad things would happen. I lie there for another minute and a half then it was over. I was over. Suddenly, without any notice I heard the sounds of a doorbell. Struggling to stand, fighting to see through my tear soaked eyes, I made my way out of bed and walked downstairs. To my surprise, there was no one at the door, just a note. I pick it up, careful not to soak it with the tears that are still flowing from my maybe brown eyes.

The note reads:

"I wonder if I shall fall fight through the earth! How funny it'll seem to come out among the people that walk with their heads downwards!"

I paused to think of what this could possibly mean but when I could reach no reasonable conclusion, I read on.

Follow the path that leads to the right.

To the right side was my back yard. Confused, I steadily moved towards the right where a path of rose petals was leading me. As I followed the path I was lead to a very deep hole. "Wait just a diddly darn second!" I said aloud although no one was there to hear me. I miss my wife. "According to my books," I say pulling a tear soaked geology textbook out of my back pocket, "these rocks are formed only in... *gasp for dramatic effect* can it be?! YES, OH YES!!! THIS IS A DEEP DARK DISNEY CAVE!!"

Suddenly a piece of paper blew past my tear soaked eyes. It was another note.

This one read only one word:

Jump.

"Naw." I said. I wasn't feeling suicidal today. Perhaps tomorrow.

Suddenly, I turn hear footsteps in the grass behind me. I am pushed. As I am falling I hear those fatal words that have driven me to do both great and horrible things. I hear those words I never thought I would hear again.

"Steve is waiting."