Samuel L. Jackson with an eyepatch on walked stealthily into the break room, desperate to avoid everyone else in the building- mostly because he couldn't stand a single one of them and also his wife had just filed for divorce that day because she was leaving him for Morgan Freeman.
"Hey Fury, what's up?" Robert Downy Jr. asked cockily because everything he said sounded that way. He clapped Fury on the back.
"Robert, you betta get yo ass away from me before I pop a cap in it. I'm the only black mothafucka in this movie for a reason, and you about to find it out."
Suddenly, Steve slid through the doorway. He smiled broadly at the two. "Oh hey, did you tell him yet?" he asked Tony nervously.
"Uh," Tony said. "Not yet. The big guys in a mood, Steven. I think we should wait."
Steve narrowed his eyes at the mustached man. "Tony, you know we have to tell him some time."
"You just call him Steven? What the hell are you-" Fury started, but then gave a sigh. "I don't wanna know. I'm just gonna get my damn coffee and- where the fuck is all the coffee?"
An empty pot greeted him at the counter, followed by an empty sugar and creamer bowl and an evil chuckle from the doorway to the break room.
Everyone turned around to see Loki's toned, hot body standing in the doorway, silently all swooning because not even men can resist the hotness and utter sex appeal of the sleek, black haired, evil god of mischief.
"Hello, Morgan Freeman," he purred in a seductive voice that always sounded seductive because of his sheer sex appeal.
Everyone immediately jizzed in their pants but they hid it well.
"Loki," Fury said, "you smooth mothafucka, did you drink all my damn coffee with your goddamn hot, silver tongued mouth."
"Why yes," Loki cackled, "I planned to smother it all over your body later, but then I realized I wouldn't be able to see to lick it off. Ha. Get it. Because your skin is a dark color and coffee is also a dark color, therefore it would be hard to see."
Everyone immediately erupted into fits of laughter because Loki was so hilarious and his jokes were so good all the time.
Steve wiped a tear from his eye, and then choked out half-angrily, but not really because who could be mad at someone so hot and seductive, "Loki, did you drink all the coffee?"
"Such simple minded creatures," Loki said, rolling his eyes. Which was totally hot, btw.
"I love it when he talks dirty," Tony whispered.
"Great," Fury said, "now I have to put up with you mothafuckas all day and I don't have any coffee to drown my feelings in. It's the only damn thing that keeps me from saying mothefucka so much. We're a children's franchise, mothafuckas. Loki's ass gonna get me mothefuckin fired."
"That was the plan," Loki winked.
Everyone jizzed again.
"Steve, Tony," Natasha said, pushing Loki out of the doorway and walking in, "You mothefuckas have got to help. Mothefuckin Bruce has turned mothefuckin hulk and is destroying the city."
"Mothafucka," Tony mumbled, and burst through the roof because somehow he knew this was going to happen and already had his iron man suit on this entire time.
"Time to go save America again," Steve nodded.
"Or just stop Bruce-" Natasha started, but he cut her off.
"Now, now, no need to thank me. I was once just like you. In my heart, in here-" he pointed to his chest- "I'm just a lowly peasant like you. A kid from Brooklyn, I know how it feels to be nothing, to be a loser."
