Running from life, daydreaming, my mind is taking another level it's too late to go back down. The tears well up but I very well know I should be asleep but my brain hates me. Sometimes I wish I could just disappear or kill someone I know I'm not the only one I can't be. I feel that I've found the love of my life but what do I know I'm young and stupid. Normal is too scary to even imagine maybe that's why I get bullied for being different. People tell me that "different is good" I very well know and I go with it but people suck. Major socializing is a no. My scars tell way too much my lungs say even more. Sometimes its time for a lessened breath or some blood loss to make almost everything better for at least a hour or more and it helps get through life. The last puff makes it through a week if nothing bad happens which is rare but does happen which is good. Just got into a fight can't stop thinking about school and shoot me now I beg of you. Im not ready to deal with school this year might be the one that the trigger is pulled... Although a new and old friend and love are trying to keep me from it I just realized there's $80 on my ceiling and only $5 in my stomach too full of thoughts to eat can't fill over it. Its time to let the demons run a little to release all of the tension pain and heavy weight in my chest. I already let a few loose but tonight they can run free and give me relief. Haven't talked to my ex\bff in a while one is completely forgotten and the other thinks I hate him. I feel the world is better off without me but good friends say otherwise now every few minutes my vision blurs and my thoughts stop for a moment its great...
