Hey there! This is just a short story I wrote for English class. One of my best friends told me I should put it on wattpad... SO here it goes!
WARNING!!!!!! THIS IS REALLY SAD AND MIGHT BE A TRIGGER!!
A shell. A memory. A dark abyss. Nothing. Me.
Walking in the class room, I hide under my too-big-to-look-normal sweatshirt. That's okay. I wouldn't look normal even if I did take the hoodie off. As soon as I walk in, The heat of the room attacks my face, raising my temperature to several above comfortable. Tough it out. Act like it's all okay. Don't let anyone see that inside you're slowly dying. Maybe even already dead. Rotting. Suffering.
I can't let them see. No pity is needed. The cuts on my arms burn bright like they where lit on fire. Maybe that would be easier. Just letting the fire within take over. I'd finally be out of the way. No longer a waste of space. Just... gone.
I look shyly at the floor desperately hoping to escape the unwanted stares and glares of my classmates. No such luck. their cold gazes seep in, freezing my insides to ice. Snickers and laughs invade my frantic mind and take over all of my thought processes. I know it's about me. It always is. Everyone hates me. How can they not? It's easy when you know nothing about the person. It's easy to make assumptions. Easy to hate, hard to love.
Nobody knows me. They might think they know the public shy, weird, school me. They don't know the real me.
"The only one who's ever known, Who I am, Who I'm not, Who I wanna be."
I have nobody. Literally. When most kids grow up they dream of graduating and moving out. Living on their own. I never got a choice. I was thrust into the responsibilities of adulthood and the tender age of thirteen. Everyone assumed I got pregnant and took a year off of school. What they didn't know was that I was mourning over the tragic death of my loving parents. Everyone calls me a slut, whore, hoe whatever they're in the mood for. They don't know that I'm taking care of my two younger siblings. They just didn't know, and they didn't care to take the time and find the truth.
I plug my head phones in and start on my forgotten homework. I was just to busy cooking, cleaning, working.
"Lyin' on the floor, Surrounded, surrounded."
Music floated through the ear buds as I drifted off into oblivion, not noticing anything around me. Nothing except the constant giggles and whispers that surround me. A tightly crinkled piece of lined paper bounced onto my desk, distracting me from dreamland. I slowly unfold the ball, dreading what I was going to read. I began reading the messy writing on it. My heart beat got faster and faster with each letter written. As I read the carelessly written scrawl I instantly recognize the sender. Then something changed. I decided that I didn't want to play the victim anymore. I stood angrily and stomped over to the brainless jock that chucked the insult filled paper to- at me. I slammed the paper onto his desk. He calmly looks up at me, clouds of evil fogging his mind and forcing him into bullying me. A dry chuckle escapes his chapped lips and floats up to the ceiling.
"What do you want?" He says. He's testing my nerves.
Calm. Controlled. Unraveling. Rushing. Forceful.
"Leave me alone!" I say begging the tears to stay trapped in my eyes. Again my emotions betray me. A single, salty tear drips from my eyes and splashes onto the outdated carpet below me.
"That's pathetic. You're pathetic." He chuckles turning to his cronies and laughing with them.
"You don't know me! You know nothing about me and my life! Just leave me alone!" I practically beg them, praying that he will finally give up trying to ruin my life.
"But I do. I know that you're desperate and already have two kids. I know that nobody loves you because you're gross and nasty. You're alone in this world, and I wish you would just kill yourself already!" A blanket of silence falls over the room, as we all look wide eyed at my bully. Even the teacher is too stunned to scold him.
"Guess what. You're wrong. Those two kids. They are my siblings. I have to take care of them because my parents were killed in a car crash two years ago. I'm the only family they have besides each other. Do you know the reason to why I don't shower every day? It's because I have to pay the bills. I have no extra money for new clothes or a fancy new car. Do you want to know something?" I pull up my sleeves and show the class the fresh, slightly bleeding, self-inflicted, wounds. He doesn't say anything.
"Have nothing to say?" He doesn't answer. "I thought so." And with that I left the room. A new sense of determination and an all time low of self worth takes over my thoughts and destroys my mind. My mind is disconnect with my body. Not thinking, I run up to the roof. This is my choice. My final act before I surrender to the darkness. My tears have stopped flowing. This is the right choice. Nobody wants me here anyways. I take a deep breath and step up to the ledge. Closing my eyes, I took the final step up. And then I jumped.
"Lost and insecure, You found me, you found me. Lyin' on the floor Surrounded, surrounded. Why'd you have to wait? Where were you? Where were you? Just a little late, you found me you found me."
