Taken For Granted

It's strange what can happen when you open up to someone, when you give them your all. It's strange how vulnerable you become when you pour yourself out onto the table in front of someone. It's just scary when you realize that vulnerability is the only bridge to connection. Opening up to another is an act we do when we feel something for them that we don't feel for others, and this is where everything started.

I fell in love with you after you showed me how to love. Every other guy wanted my body not my heart and when I thought there was no one you showed up. I was shown the moon but you showed me the stars. You made me feel something no one ever had. I was looking for someone for so long only to find you had been standing right in front of me all this time. You were different, or so I thought. Time moved on the relationship was built up as high as it could be. Everything was good.

Until you changed

You expected more out of me, I wasn't as special to you as I used to be. I was calm I didn't have a care in the world. You took advantage of that. You asked and asked of things that made my mind wander. I kept telling myself, there are always bumps in the road. Schedules got busy, people got forgotten. I was just another person to you. My value was lost. I didn't want to leave, everyone told me to. Excuse after excuse I told myself, he loves me everything's ok. Your once funny behaviour and comments turned to hurtful jokes and bad looks, your compliments flew away just like my happiness. I always thought that you'd realize, why I didn't laugh anymore or why I didn't smile like I used to. I always though maybe one day you'd say good morning and think about me or maybe just maybe you'd look at me like the day you first realized you wanted me to be yours. I hoped and kept telling myself lies because I loved you and I didn't want to leave. I was in love with the person I had met way back and thought this was a faze. People told me he's different now, I didn't care love overpowers everything.

Unfortunately not always.

Soon enough your trust towards me faded. You thought up an image in your head of how you thought I was.
drinking
partying
cheating
none of it was true. But you didn't care what I told you. Once respect and trust is lost its not coming back. I tried but it didn't work. Shortly after you just didn't care. My feelings, my problems didn't exist in your head because it didn't matter. But I told you I loved you. Because I did. I did everything you wanted thinking that maybe one day you'd realize just how far my love for you stretched. You told me that I'd leave you, I'd find someone better. I didn't leave. Because when you love someone even if they didn't appreciate you or love you the way you loved them you always stay because you'll keep making up scenarios in your head of everything getting better, everything going back to normal, everything being ok again. But it'll never be ok, it'll always be like this. But I stayed, because I was stupid and all those other guys that said they could treat me better and love me a little more, I didn't care about them because I loved you and that's all that mattered to me.

I had no rules when it came to you, I wasn't demanding of things, I never asked for much, you took advantage of that too. I felt used. I never told you how I felt thinking the slightest thing would set you off making you want to leave, and I couldn't have that. He was my world, my everything. He couldn't leave what would I do?

After a while I realized our relationship didn't go both ways. At that point I didn't know who was the happy one. He had rules, demands, I had nothing. All I wanted was his love, for him to tell me how much I meant to him. But that would never happen. The only time I was praised was when I was doing something for him, just another one of the demands. I figured if I did things to make him happy it would show him how much he meant to me. That's not what it did at all. He realized if he asked I would do anything.
I was used.
Not appreciated.
But even after everything, even after I realized there was a problem I didn't leave. I ask my self, why?
It always comes back to love.
I gave him my all, everything I had and when there was nothing left to give he had got bored with me and wanted something better. It was blamed on me,
the partying
the drinking
the cheating
the same old everything. I started to believe it. I stopped hanging with friends I stopped going out, thinking the image in his head would change.
It didn't.
Nothing could change the way he thought of me.
And that's when he left.
I was too stressful.
I made his life more difficult than it had to be.
He left for someone better, someone that could give him more than I had to give. Someone that could make him happier.
People told me it was for the best. I didn't think it was.