Falling

Your Turn To Pay

 It's been eight months now since I have met Ross at Applebees, and things couldn't have had been any better. I was at Tiffany's getting him a bracelet for his birthday. I wasn't telling him I was coming over, and he thought I was out of town with my parents. I put the box on the passenger seat, and put my seatbelt on. I drove towards his apartment, and pulled out the key he gave me. I slowly opened the door to his dog licking me and I noticed keys that weren't his, but looked familiar on the counter. I slowly and quietly sat my keys down and snuck to his bedroom. I slowly crept the door opening, trying to surprise him, but to my surprise, he surprised me. He surprised me in the most disgusting way. He was laying on his back with Roman on top kissing him. He kissed Roman the way he kissed me four months ago at the party. He kissed Roman the way a husband kisses a wife, life the sun kisses someone's skin. I took my phone out and took a photo and grabbed my keys and the box and left. I sped home driving like a mad man and ran upstairs with tears all in my eyes. I ripped our letters and threw my hat on the floors. I threw everything off my desk, knocking over a heart shape ceramic container containing blades and looked down. I ran to the bathroom and ran warm bath water. I ran back into my room and got on my knees and looked at the blades. They seemed to call my name, like moths to a flame. I picked one up, tears still streaming, and twirled it around with my fingers. I went into my bathroom and reached into my cabinet and grabbed my Anti-Depressants. I got into the tub, clothes still on, and rolled up my sleeve. One. Two. Three. Three. Three as I lay there bathing in blood and soaking in sins. Three for how many pieces my heart has been broken into. I lay there, blood red as crimson crying harder than ever. I think about him. Slit. I miss him. Slit. I hate him. Slit. I love him. Double slit. I toss my blade into the tub and bit my hand as I'm trying not to scream.

"Yo Baz you home" I heard Tyler yell as he was coming up the steps. I heard him stepping on things as he entered the room and picking up glass and things. "Bazel?" he questioned as he picked up the container full of razors. He ran to the doorway as I was trying to open the pill bottle.

"Please leave" I cried as I opened the bottle, but knocking them into the tub.

"Shit" he said as he ran over to me and grabbed a towel looking at my wounds. He picked me up and took my jeans and shirt off and laid me on my bed. He frantically searched around the room for my cell phone but I left that in the car. Behind tears he kept asking me what happened and I told him to get my phone through shaky voices. He ran outside as he searched frantically for my phone. As I turned over crying in pain. My pills always combatant the pain of my rips, but I didn't take any so this was much worse. It wasn't the fact that I did it that made them hurt, it was the fact why. I rolled over onto another pillow and cried like I have never before. I screamed at the memory of him. I yelled at the remembrance of his sweet voice saying soft lullaby's of 'I love You'. I choked on the words of 'I love you more' that came out my mouth in response. Tyler came running back and asked me to explain my relapse.

"O-Open my p-phone I tried to say through fragments of words". Tyler already knew my passcode and he kept asking until he saw the picture left out.

"I-Is this...is this Ross?" he questioned not even believing the words that came out of his mouth.

"I'm sorry Tye" I replied feeling bad for making him feel bad for me.

"It's not your fault Bazel"

"Yes it is"

"No, it's not" he declared still holding the phone.

"I walked in and saw them, but they didn't see me. It was Ross and Roman, his exe." I cried still falling apart. Life was like a whirlpool, and it was slowly sucking me in deeper and deeper until I couldn't see sunlight. This thing called life had me on the edge of a cliff an was slowly tipping me over. Me and Tye laid there until I fell asleep and he stayed the whole night with me.

I woke up the next morning feeling like a complete idiot and looking around the room at this mess. I reach over and grab my phone and see the me and Ross have reservations in an hour and he had text me to make sure I was still attending. I replied a quick yes and got up. I threw on some jeans and a long sleeve, changing the bandages, and a jacket. I told Tye to wait in the car as I arrived at the Italian restaurant and found Ross siting at the table texting. He probably was texting Roman, that bitch, but I stayed casual and sat down with my head down the whole time. He said hello, but I unlocked my phone and opened the picture and kept it in my lap.

"H-Hi" I mumbled slowly crying.

"Babe, is everything ok" he said grabbing my hands.

"No" I said snatching my hands back and sliding the picture across the table. As I did that, my bandages were revealed and he knew what I did, and what he did.

"Babe, I can expl- "

"Save it, I'm sorry I ever met you, and this time you can pay for dinner" I said taking his key off my neck and placing it in his water. I got into my car and drove away, me and Tyler, friends forever.