Three Wishes

Chapter One: The News

I am going to die, cause of death? second hand embarrassment by a book character, and it's not the kind that you just close your eyes for a second and then you keep reading. It's the kind that you close the book, breath deeply for several times, try to open the book again, close it again, internal monologue telling yourself that it's better to finish this faster and then you breath deeply one more time and biting your lip you open the book again ready for the worst to come. But just as I was ready for the mortification of this character to hit me my mother opened the door and came into my room with tears in her eyes. I dropped the book immediately.

"Mom! what happened? What's wrong?" my voice shook a little because the look in her eyes told it it was something that was going to affect me too.

"Your.... Amara sweetheart, your Grandmother died." more tears spilled out of her eyes and I couldn't move or speak. I had already seen this coming, she was very ill and had been near to death many times, I didn't cry right away, I first hugged my mother and then she left to tell my stepfather Carl.

I sat down in my bed and stared at nothing while the news tried to sink into my head. My Grandma is dead, she is dead and I'm never going to see her again. And then the tears came, but they didn't came like I expected them, they weren't a flowing river that was never going to stop, they weren't the kind of tears that make everything so blurry you can't see anything, they were just little tears flowing from my eyes and going down my cheeks slowly. Why am I not crying like my mom? why am I not sobbing like a part of me was torn away? I did love my grandmother, so why am I not devastated? why am I not in despair? What is wrong with me?

I kept staring at the nothing even when the tears stopped coming, it just felt so unreal that she was dead, my brain still couldn't let that sink in and it really annoyed me. Como on Amara, you should cry more, why am I not crying more? she is dead, she is dead, she is dead, she is dead.

Slowly new tears came to my eyes, but suddenly it hits me that I was forcing myself to cry, and that is not how things are supposed to work. it makes me angry that I can't even cry a lot for my grandmother without forcing myself to do so, but kill one of my favorite character in a book and tears will still come out after two weeks.

"Amara, honey?" my still very tearfull mother interrupted my thoughts. "We are going to the funerary at 4:30 pm and the we'll read her will at 8."

"Okay mom, I'll get ready." I say looking at her, she leaves before I can say something else and I realize that what hurts me more is to see my mom so devastated and having no idea of what to do to make her feel better. Hugs always make me feel better, but she is not the hug loving type of person, I want to tell her something that will cheer her up, but I don't know what and it makes me feel more frustrated and useless.

I force myself to snap out of my self pity party and start to get ready for the funeral. Before I even go to check what I should wear I see my poor book on the floor and I hurry to pick it up, brush it with my hand and place it on it's shelf, then I feel terrible that such a little thing worried me when I have bigger things going on right now, What is wrong with me?

I finally decided to wear a simple black dress that is really ugly but that is the only one that fits me and for some black flats with a black "flower" on them, I leave my boring and long black hair loose and without any accessories. I feel terrible in these clothes but I have nothing else to wear so I put on a brown coat (because it's the only fancy thing I have that can keep me a little bit warm) and head out to see my mother, my stepfather and my little sister waiting for me to head right away to the funeral. While everyone (except my little sister because she is too young to really understan) has a lot of tears going down their cheeks I touch my dry ones and ask my self again, What is wrong with me?