Satellite-Sequel to God Save My King (Steve Jones FanFic)

Kimmy-Nothing

I immersed myself even further into my work, always showing up early with all of Dr. Fields' errands already completed. If Dr. Fields was feeling especially generous, some days he would even allow me to stay a few hours after the end of my shift. I relished in those rare occasions. Not only did it mean a bigger pay check, but it also meant a couple of hours that I wasn't sitting at home alone in a giant, empty mansion.

Johnny called to let me know that he had landed safely, but I had let that call go straight to the message machine. A few hours later he tried calling again from a hotel room, leaving me yet another message full of half-assed apologies mixed with wise cracks about how much of a baby I was being. The last time he had called was a few days ago, and he had sounded much more apologetic that time. Maybe even a little sad, though I attributed much of his sudden, out-of-character tenderness to the fact that Noelle apparently was refusing to speak with him.

That was the last I had heard of either of them, and I can't say I was necessarily heart broken about that fact. Out of sight, out of mind-or at least, that's what I was determined to make of the situation.

The real kicker was when I had arrived at work today, all dressed up with Dr. Fields' coffee and dry cleaning in hand, only to see a sign hanging on the door that read:

Away on vacation.
Office hours to resume Monday of next week.

I couldn't believe it. Not only had the doctor just up and left without much notice, but his departure meant that I now had absolutely nothing to fill my time with. Once again, it felt as if the universe had been plotting against me all along. Take away my friends, take away my job, take away any chances I had of remaining sane for the next couple of days.

And so, I walked home feeling rather dejected. I dropped off Dr. Fields' belongings on the table by the front door, hoping I would remember to grab them when I went into work next Monday, and hobbled into the living room where I plopped down onto the couch with a frustrated sigh. Riot watched me from his doggy bed in the corner of the room, only the movement of his eyes showing me that he was acknowledging my presence, because apparently he couldn't even be bothered to lift his head in welcome. Monet, on the other hand, shot up and rushed over to me in a playful doggy greeting. He lapped at my hands and snuggled up against my leg.

"I suppose I can't feel completely sorry for myself when you're so excited to see me," I reasoned as I ruffled Monet's fur playfully. I felt rather silly speaking to a dog, but it felt infinitely better talking to him than sitting by myself in the deafening silence.

As the hound settled himself into the crook of my knee, leaning into my hand as I scratched behind his ear, I found myself becoming lost in the silky tufts of his coat. My mind began to wander to thoughts of what I should do to occupy my time up until I could work again.

I certainly did not want to be cooped up in this house all by myself, but I wasn't entirely sure I wanted to return to my job either. That meant I would eventually have to face Steve, something that-after that fumbled kiss and abrupt departure-I wasn't sure I could do ever again. I didn't think I could take much more rejection from him, nor could he handle another broken promise from myself.

What was I to do? Even now, even with John out of the picture forever, Steve and I continued to be caught in this strange limbo of sorts. A never ending waltz in which we danced around our feelings to the tune of our own heart beats, never missing a step, always in motion. I had thought I had ended that dance years ago, but that kiss along with my inability to push it from my mind was the only proof I needed that my feelings for Steve hadn't ended three years ago. In fact, they had never left at all.

Was it possible to love two people at once? And was my love for John ever real, or simply a schoolgirl crush I'd held onto for far too long? John had never truly been mine, that much I knew, but had I always been his? Was any of it true? Even now, was this love? Or was I just lonely?

Steve was turning out a lot like John, that much was obvious. Maybe I was trying to fill the void John had left, replacing him with another just like him. Maybe I was attracted to men I felt the need to fix, men who needed me as much as I needed them. Or perhaps I was just some sick masochist, determined to run to any guy I would be quick to lose.

My heart sank at the thought, the idea that my entire life could be chalked up to a few psychological problems and a handful of dumb decisions. Was this all my fault? Was I feeling things that simply weren't there? Fantasizing about the loves of my life, making them out to be the men that I wanted them to be?

My eyes started to sting, and I instinctively fumbled for the padlock necklace around my neck, clutching it protectively in my fist. Most days, when I was feeling lonely, scared, upset, I would grab at the necklace and know that I was safe. A piece of John was there with me, and I was a little less alone. But today, it wasn't enough. I didn't feel his ghost, I couldn't even picture him looking down on me. I felt nothing. The necklace was not enough-not today. I needed answers. I needed John.

All at once, I knew how I would occupy my time off from work. This time that I had to myself to reflect, to grow, to finally come to terms with what had happened between myself and John. This time that I could use to right the wrongs of my past, and to finally end mine and Steve's little dance. Standing up, I swiped at my eyes until the tears had subsided. I looked down at Monet, still wagging his tail as he grinned up at me, tongue lolling out of the side of his mouth.

"I'm sorry, Monet," I patted his head softly. "But there's someone I've got to visit. Someone I haven't seen in a long time."

Of course, he just continued to smile up at me, completely unaware of what I was about to do. How I was about to leave him-my only companion at the moment, and the only one keeping me company-all alone.

Before I could start crying again, I turned on my heel and headed back towards my bedroom to pack. I took a quick mental note to call a taxi, a dog kennel, and to reserve an airplane ticket.

I was going to Pennsylvania.

A/N: I got bored and decided to post. Better late than never, right? :p wonder where Kimmy is off to...>___>
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