Hades Hates My House

Breaking Bedrooms

Hi, it's Tessa, back from Tartarus. Guess what! Ever since I got back, Greek and Roman gods have been plaguing me. It's horrible. Right now, Hades is down in the kitchen, tearing it apart. But let me start from the beginning. Of this week. Before I heard about the hit tv show, Hades Hates my House.

On Monday morning, I woke up as I always did. I brushed my teeth, brushed my hair, brushed my... face? And then I went back into my bedroom to check on my pet gerbil, named Theodore after my great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandpa. I never knew the guy, and I'm not exactly sure that we are related to him, but mom says he comes to visit during tarot card readings, and that he is really handsome. I thought that my gerbil was pretty cute, too, so I named Theodore after the old man.

I walked over to Theodore's cage to see that he was still sleeping. He always sleeps. That's practically all he does. One time I got worried that he wasn't eating, but then I saw little poops in the corner, so I knew he had to be alive.

I looked into his bowl. It was empty, so I walked over to the other side of the room to grab his food. I was halfway there- which is not very far, considering how small my room is- when I fell right through the floor.

"Aaah!" I shrieked, as I fell until the floor is at my armpits. My feet barely touched a solid that I can only hope is dirt. And I can only hope that nothing is down there.

"Mom, there's a big hole in the floor!" I screamed across the house.

"Well, I'll get to it later! I'm in the middle of a crystal ball thing here, honey!"

"But Mom, I fell in the hole!"

"That's nice, sweetheart!" she screamed back.

"No, I'm serious! I'm stuck dangling from my armpits!"

"Just wait a little while, honey. I'll come when I can."

I gave up. Once mom starts doing a reading, there is no way she will do anything else. "What about school?" I muttered to myself. "Brianna will think I ditched her."

Then I had a horrible thought. What if no one can ever find me in this hole? What if I'm stuck here... forever???

Eh. Mom'll find me. After she's done flirting with Theodore. And no, I do not mean my gerbil.

So I dangled for about an hour, until Mom came in and found me and shrieked, "Oh my god what happened! Why didn't you tell me? Tessa, my poor baby! AAH!" and then proceeded to faint.

"Hey, Mom? I know you're trying to help and all, but it would be more helpful to call like the fire department or whatever, instead of listening to the ground for earthquake vibrations."

She laid there for a few minutes, obviously not listening to what I had said. Then she got up and said, "Tessa! What happened? I need to call the fire department right away to get you out!"

"Yeah, that's great, Mom, but didn't we just go over this already?"

"Do not talk back to me young lady. Once we get you out, you are so grounded."

"For what?? I just fell in this hole, Mom!"

"Now you are double grounded."

"Is that even a real thing?"

"Don't make it triple."

Then she turned to walk out of the room so that she could get the house phone. But instead, she fell in another hole.

"AAH!" she screamed.

"Mom," I said, "I think we are both grounded now."

She just glared at me.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After about another hour- in which time both of my arms had fallen asleep, and I had a headache from Mom's constant screaming- some weird guy showed up at our house for a tarot card reading. Lucky for us, Mom had left the front door unlocked. Also lucky for us, the guy was a big, burly trucker guy who pulled us out in less than two minutes.

After that whole episode, Mom made me skip school and sleep on the couch for the night. She acted mad at me; like it was my fault there were holes in the floor. What did she think I did, burrowed under the house? I'm not sure. Honestly, though, I think it was because she though I talked back to her.

Maybe it was the holes in the floor that got Hades's attention. Afterwards, though, there was that kitchen incident. Yeah, I think that is when Hades first noticed my dilapidated house.