Today was the day. The day I'll let go, the day I'll be proud of something I did, the one day of my life I won't regret, the day I kill myself.
I walk to high school with a big grin on my face. I NEVER smile so it's a weird feeling. On the way there I listen to my favorite band, Of Mice & Men.
When I get to class I go to the back of the classroom and sit in my seat. In walks Lindsay, the 'popular' girl. she walks over and sits right in front of me. Greeeaaaattt.
She turns around and mocks me. "Awww! Guys! Lux is smiling! I think she got a new razor!! Maybe if you went a little deeper, it would REALLY make a difference!"
Everyone laughed and agreed. I just got out my notebook and started to draw and tried to ignore them.
Lindsay snatched my notebook and started reading out the songs that I wrote and showing everyone my pictures. I tried to get it back but she tossed it to the other side. And for the next 5 minutes, that's all that happened.
When I finally got it back the teacher had walked in and saw me out of my chair with my book. "Bring that up here Lux. I think it's nice to share with the class."
I slowly walked up to the front if the class and handed the teacher my notebook. He started to read the lyrics and look through the drawings.
When he saw something that said 'October 29th is the end if me.' he closed it and handed it back. He stared at me in horror and said, "Go out to the hall."
When I got out there I waited knowing what he would do. He stepped out of the class and grabbed my wrist, personally escorting me to the guidance counselor.
After I realized where we were going I broke out of his grasp and ran. I got out of the class and could hear him yelling my name and chasing me. I went to the one place I could think.
When I reached the graveyard and sat at my brother's grave I immediately started to talk to him.
"This was supposed to be a good day. I would get to join you. Everything was ruined. The teacher stole the notebook you gave me and started looking through it. He found out that I was leaving today. Happy Birthday by the way."
I eventually stopped blathering and just sat there. I took out my razor and watched it dance across my wrist with a mind of its own. I felt blood start dripping and stopped before it got out if hand.
I couldn't do this here. Not at my brother's grave.
I cleaned up my mess and put away my blade. I whispered goodbye to my brother and left. It was about 7:00 PM when I started walking.
I went home and put bandages on my arm. My parents still weren't here and it was already 8:00. I guess that's a good thing though.
I looked in the cupboards and saw that there were no pills in it. Shit. Now what? I could always slit my wrists, but that's what my brother did. I could hang myself, but I didn't know how to tie the noose. I guess I'll just have to walk to the drugstore and get some. I better hurry though because I have to do it tonight and before my parents get home.
I grab some cash, my razor (I carry it everywhere), my phone and I head out. The drugstore is about 30 minutes walking distance. On the way there I'm afraid I'll get cold feet so I put on Of Mice & Men. 'I believe it's time for me to be famous and out of place.'
I turned it off once I got there and went to the pill section. I grab a bottle of Tylenol and Aspirin. As I'm deciding which size I should buy I feel a tap on my shoulder and I jump.
When I turn around I nearly pass out. Behind me is Austin Carlile. THE Austin Carlile. And then there's Alan right behind him. Alan Ashby. THE Ginger Princess. Oh my shit nuggets.
