Ronnie

Hello, my name is Octavia. I'm in the seventh grade. I have brown skin and I'm a skinny little thing. I'm very pretty but my clothes aren't as much. I wear a lot of white t shirts and boots. my hair is always in a bun. Make-up? I never thought I needed it. My confidence was a little low when it came to new people. But I remained strong to save myself the embarrassment. I'm such a happy person. Most of my peers love my personality because of the positivity I bring into a room. The others who don't like me are the girls who are stuck up and "popular." Although, I can understand why they didn't like me. I had a little reputation at summer camp about being the boys and girls club hoe. I didn't have sex with those guys. I just dated three guys in two months. I pecked them on the lips. Just once. I'm really into the boys, if you haven't already guessed. If you're cute, clean, and you're funny, I immediately like you. In seventh grade, my mind was focused on my closest friends and cute boys. Not very much on school work. Unless, my teachers gave us a pop quiz. I had one class I was really into, which was reading. Not only did I have an awesome teacher who was more of a mother than a teacher to us, but my best friend at the time was there. Her name was Janelle. We laughed a lot in class and helped each other with class and homework. We hung out a few times after school because her mom was usually strict on her. I never understood why she was so strict on Janelle. My mom gave me a curfew that ended at six o' clock. Being though I am a mother today, I could understand why our mothers were so hard on us. It was a dangerous world out there. But when you're young, that's not always a major thing on your mind. Everyone in class had to participate in reading out loud. My teacher, Mrs Pritchard, would call on us. I would read very quickly because I was nervous to speak in front of groups of people and she would call on the next person to read. She called on a boy named Ronnie. I looked up because I don't remember there being a kid named Ronnie in our class. I didn't even know he existed. He was so cute. His voice was softened and shy. He had caramel colored skin. His lips were full but they looked as though he was angry all the time. Like how a child looks before they cross their arms because they're angry due to the fact you didn't give them candy. After that, I watched him closely. He joked a lot and his smile lit up the room. His teeth were perfectly straight. And his laugh was perfected by angels. We would share jokes from time to time. I was getting to know him more. His name was Ronnie Pernier. His last name was weird to me because it rhymed with the word, 'premier'. I nicknamed him, Ronald Reagan. I did anything to get him to laugh. He told me he was a trouble maker. But, me being oblivious to the crimes children can pull, I just thought what kind of trouble can he possibly get into? I just thought he lit up firecrackers near a police station or something. It didn't bother me at all. I just saw him as a sexy bad boy type of guy. Another day we were all standing around the classroom towards the end of class, talking amongst ourselves. I noticed he had a bunch of writings on his arms. Then I saw a girl's name. Suhaylah. What kind of name was Suhaylah?! I asked who she was and he said, "My girlfriend." My heart dropped. I really started to like this guy and I tried to win my way into his heart for him to tell me he's already taken. I already made it known that I liked him. I even followed him around when I saw him at my cousins cheerleading practice. Of course he wasn't watching the cheerleaders. He was on the side where the guys were at football practice. A few weeks later, I went to a school dance with my cousin and we were having a good time. A girl walked up to me and asked if I knew who Ronnie was. I didn't know her. She didn't even look familiar. But she was so pretty. Her skin was also caramel colored and she was skinny with such beautiful, innocent eyes. I answered, "Yeah, I know him." She seemed to be a cool girl to me. She said, "Oh. I'm Suhaylah, Ronnie's girlfriend." I was nervous because I thought she wanted to fight me after that. But surprisingly, She didn't. We walked around the community center and got to know each other a little bit. I didn't tell her my personal business. Just my name, who my friends were and how I knew Ronnie. We walked to the food court and were still talking until I heard my mom call my name. She came to pick me up. I introduced her to Suhaylah. She was stunned that I resembled my mother. I told her is was nice meeting and talking to her. That was the last I heard of her that year. The last day of school came. I liked this other guy named, Jay. But my feeling remained strong for Ronnie. I ended up having my first kiss with Jay. It was okay, but it wasn't magical. He never closed his eyes to kiss. I also, didn't. The whole time it was awkward stares. A few hours later, I was walking around and I ran into Ronnie and my friend James. I told them I had an awkward first kiss with Jay and they laughed. Although I was a little bummed that my first kiss was kind of crappy, I found it a little funny also. We walked around some more until we got to the park. It started drizzling so we stayed under the gazebo. Ronnie wanted me to come close to him. So I did. We kept hugging but he wanted me to kiss him. He wanted me to forget about Jay and what had happened. But, I kissed him on the cheek. I didn't feel right kissing a guy I really liked on the same day I had my very first kiss. We shared a few more jokes and they walked me half way home. Forgetting that he and Suhaylah were still dating, I felt bad that I broke a girl code. You don't mess with your friend's boyfriends. That summer I went to summer camp. My friend Joyce was friends with both Ronnie and Suhaylah. I told her all about that day that I hung out with Ronnie. She was shocked but didn't make me feel like I was in the wrong. I haven't seen Ronnie all summer. I began to really miss him. He was all I could think about. He was all I could talk about to Janelle on the phone. The following year came. I walked into cooking class and noticed I was sharing it with Ronnie. I was so excited! The teacher assigned me and Ronnie to be seated across from each other. His voice was deeper. I remembered laughing at this huge change he was going through. Every time we locked eyes, it was like, no one around us existed. Whenever he accidentally bumped my foot, I felt as though it was magic. He would always flirt with me. Everyone saw it. Everyone in that class knew we liked each other. While we were cooking, he was telling me that he and Suhaylah broke up because she liked this other guy named Brandon. I believed him. A few days later, he asked me to be his girlfriend. I didn't want to play games with his heart by playing hard to get. So I said yes. I was so excited. I was becoming a kid in a candy store. From then, I wanted him to marry me. The next day, we walked out of cooking class together. But once he saw his friends, he became distant from me. I didn't know why. So I just assumed they didn't like me because he asked me out shortly after breaking up with Suhaylah. He started walking with them and one girl asked why was he walking with me. He replied, "I don't know." I was confused. Janelle was confused. She was with me because we always met up after class to walk to our next class together. I was a little heartbroken because I thought he would stand up for me. My year of eighth grade began to take a turn for the worse. My friends from camp told me Ronnie and Suhaylah never broke up. He cheated on her for me. I became the other woman and the home wrecker. I tried to explain myself to many people but no one seemed to understand or care to understand other than the friends that were there the entire time watching what was happening between Ronnie and I. I no longer wanted to be with him. My heart was breaking badly because at this point, I was falling in love with him. Suhaylah, what about suhaylah?! How does she feel? I had to talk to her and apologize. When I saw her, She didn't even want to talk to me. I had to try to explain everything to her But she didn't believe anything I said. My friends did everything they could to have her understand. But there was no hope in saving that friendship. She was done. Her friends wanted to fight me. How I dodged it all that year, I'll never know. But that became the worse year of my life. A light came upon me when I found out they officially broke up because he cheated on her for a girl named, 'Megan.' Everyone started to dislike her. The focus wasn't on me anymore. Thank God. Every time I saw him, I didn't speak to him. But my feelings grew stronger. I still wrote I love Ronnie on my folders and notebooks. He was all I wrote about in my diary. He was all I thought about. I listened to music into the dead of the night because I needed a scenery in my thoughts where it would just be me and him being happy if being sad or explaining why this whole thing went sour. I fell in love. I was so in love that I couldn't even think straight. Ninth grade came along. I started another relationship with a boy named, 'Jesus.' I knew him since seventh grade. I always said he was Asian but I found out he was actually Mexian. I really grew a liking to him and we spent a lot of time together. I thought I was getting over Ronnie, whom I haven't seen since the end of 8th grade. Jesus became all I talked, wrote, and thought about. My friends were so happy that I found someone who loved me for me. Someone who appreciated me and who acknowledged whenever their friends came around. Everything was going so well up until I saw Ronnie in school. We locked eyes. Everything was at a stand still. The memories and feelings came rushing back like a flood after a dam broke from holding water back to protect a town. I was so excited. I wrote my friend a note saying I saw him. I'm in love again. But I never got a chance to give it to her. I went to Jesus's house after school with the note hanging freely in my coat pocket. he saw it and started reading it. I didn't know how to explain myself. he was so hurt. He ordered me to leave. I believed we were completely over. But soon after, he got over it. I was relieved. It took a lot of convincing to get him to stay with me. I haven't seen Ronnie in a long period of time. He was just some guy I saw once a year and fell back in love and took a few months to get over him. Although, a few months later, Jesus and I officially called it quits. Eventually tenth grade came. I had math class with some friends but they weren't people that I would hang out with after school. I really didn't tell them my business. Something told me that I was going to see Ronnie in that class. I kept picturing him walking through that door. My thoughts became true. Only he didn't walk through that door. I did. I came in and sat down and talked to my friends. Something told me to look towards the back of class and it was him. It was Ronnie! I couldn't believe it. He smiled at me and came to the front of the class to sit next to me. We started to catch up. I slowly stopped caring about what happened in eighth grade. A few weeks were going by and the other girls noticed that Ronnie and I had a connection. I just knew he loved me. Nobody would enter into someone's life with a smile like that. Until one day. I saw a girl's ID on him. We had to wear IDs to school for security reasons. I asked who's ID it was. He answered, "Brecia." I was heartbroken, but not like the other times. I saw this one coming. Eventually, they broke up. I knew that because I stopped seeing them together and he stopped wearing her ID. I felt like it was my chance for him to be mine. We hung out with a few of our friends. While everyone went outside of his friends house, Ronnie and I stayed in and made out for the very first time. It was so amazing. His eyes remained closed. I know because I had to peek a few times to make sure he was into it as much as I was. We hung out a few more times after that but then I stopped seeing him. I had no idea where he went or what he was doing with his life. I eventually let him do his own thing for awhile. Junior year was here. I was 18. Everyday after school, I would go to my friends house and hang out for a little then go home. This one day, I saw Ronnie on a porch two houses down from where my friend lived. I was so excited to see him because it had been awhile since I last saw him. We exchanged a few words and I kept walking. I started to miss him again but I didn't want to get back with him because I was sick of the heartache he was putting me through. Every time I went to my friends house, I saw him. It was like he knew I was always there so he always sat outside. We started talking more and exchanged cell phone numbers. We texted all day while I was at school and talked on the.phone during some evenings. I found out that he was staying at his friends house because he didn't like his step dad and he was tired of fighting with him. I felt like I was really seeing both sides to him. I loved that he opened up to me. We were forming a relationship. But I felt as though we were in between friends and mates. I wanted us to be together. But I was afraid of the outcome because it was never a good one. We kissed a few more times and laughed about the old times. But, we had to part ways because I knew he had a liking for Megan again. I felt like I was competing with her because he had a relationship with her But not me. She was good enough but I wasn't. I started forming relationships with other guys in order to keep myself from thinking about him. One day I received a letter from the prison. On the back of the envelope, it had my name in graffiti. It looked cool because I was really into art. It said it was from Ronnie. I was shocked. He wrote me saying he went to jail for armed robbery. I was so sad that this happened. But if you do bad things, this is what's going to happen to you. He told me he missed me and he wanted to see me. I was a little angry because he treated me like trash for years and I seem to have been the only person he turns to during his time of need. I went to see him. I wanted answers. But when I visited him, the feelings struck me. Immediately I wanted to be there for him. He said I was the only person that came to visit him. That girl Megan he loved so much, he's part of the reason why he went to jail. She did what she was supposed to do, but I didn't want to tell him that. Eventually, I had gotten pregnant with my first child. I was still visiting him during that time. But I had to make a choice between seeing him or being with my child's father. So, I chose my child's father. I let him sit in there alone. But, a few months later, my daughter's father and I separated. I soon found myself going back to Ronnie. He seemed to be okay that I came back to see him to others but I could tell he was hurt that I chose a guy he didn't like over him for my heart to get broken again and come back to him. But, he now knew how I felt after all of those years. Once he was able to be on work release, he would come by my house for a few hours and watch movies. Be on the computer. And talk. I already had my daughter for a few months, so she was napping in her room. He finally asked me why I was in love with him. I didn't know what to say. Because I never explained to anyone why I was so in love with him. As I'm explaining why, I start to break down because I felt so stupid falling for him. I was so sad that I forgot to ask him why or if he really even loved me. A few days later, the big day came. We finally had sex. It wasn't what I thought it would be like, but it wasn't forgettable. From there I thought we were basically together until a girl asked him if we were together. He got angry and called me yelling at me. I was confused because if we weren't together, He could have said, "No, we're not together, but I am in love with her." It made me so angry that I needed to talk to him one last time before I made a major decision with keeping him in my life or kicking him out of my life for good. I invited him over my house. He sat on the couch across the room from me. I was prepared to give him the talk I've never given him before. This was the day that he would make or break the relationship. I told him I was so angry that he never defended me. He never acknowledged me in front of his friends. I've never met his family and on top of that, I left a 10 month relationship with a guy that did all of that and then some to be with a guy who can't even introduce me to someone that I don't already know. He put his head back onto the pillow on the couch. I could tell he was tearing up. He got up and he said he needed to think. He gave me a hug and he walked out the door. That night, he texted me saying that he does care for me and he does want me to be in his life. He said I need to be treated like a queen especially for all I've done and went through for him. We hung out a few more times until I saw that it just wasn't working. We just weren't meant to be. He'd rather be a single man. It was time for the ultimate breakup. The love I thought I had for him was a lie. I fell in love with what could have been. Not the reality of it all. I heard that he has a family now and became a hard working man. I'm very happy that he changed his life around. I'm very glad he found happiness with another woman. I found the man of my dreams who treats me like I am his queen. I have my daughter whom I love very very much. I don't know how it would be if I ever run into him again. I don't know if my feelings will rush back or not. But now that I'm older, I have the brains to realize Ronnie and I will never be together again. If I ever think it will probably work out well, I'll think about my past, my present, and my future to see if he fits well into those times in my life. Then I'll realize that he'll be a puzzle piece that'll never fit. I'll never forget about Ronnie. But I will thank him in my thoughts for giving me a fairytale love story. But, now it's time that this princess grew up and fall in love with reality.