She Dreamed

Broken

"Stephanie this house is not clean! ... The baby is crying" my mom screamed at me when she came home from work "I have homework mom...it's due tomorrow and it's already 11" I looked at her...sadly I wasn't the only child I had 3 other siblings a brother and 2 sisters can you guess the oldest? Yup me which meant I was in charge so when my mom came home I was the one who was yelled at and punished for whatever wasn't done"What were you doing the whole time!" "well I got home at 3:30 since I ride the bus then I had to put the baby to sleep so I can clean but then the kids come home and destroy almost everything I clean up ... So I have to calm them down then make dinner and do homework " "finish the homework tomorrow the baby needs a diaper changed " "mom... It's due tomorrow"
See I'm basically the kid's mom... I do everything feed them, change them, put them to bed, make sure they aren't sick, and sing to them when they can't sleep while my mom works to pay for food that I make and to travel without us sometimes I think she hates us or else an 8-year-old wouldn't have to be a mother to a 5, 4 and month-year-old kids that weren't even hers! Hard to believe I know I guess it was just time to grow up is what my mother always told me.
"Stephanie are you listening to me!" She got in my face since she could tell I was spacing out "yes mom I am" I got up and walked to the baby and picked her up walking to my room and changed her diaper "I'm telling your stepdad when he gets home" she warned me because she knew I was scared of my stepdad. If your wondering no my actual dad did not walk out on me he's still in my life, the only problem is he hasn't become a father yet... So he's hardly around but that better than not having one at all right?
"Mom please don't... He'll hit me or worse" I sniffed and rocked the baby "I'll make sure to get it done after I put her to sleep" "hurry up then" she walked to the room probably to change and go to sleep. I rocked her and made her a bottle while she cried in my ear "shhh Izabella I'm here" I kissed her head while I shook her bottle and fed her. She looked at me with those beautiful green eyes that sparkled when she was happy and told me I was doing a great job raising her. I walked to my room and sat on my bed and started singing to her hoping she would fall asleep soon because now it was 1 in the morning and the house wasn't done, my stepdad should be home soon, and I got school soon I wasn't ready to do all of those. Finally, I got her to sleep I had one hour till I was supposed to wake up for school and 30 mins till he came home... So I rushed and cleaned as much as I could. Then got ready for school I can't miss the bus because I was scared last time I did he kicked me and hit me then made me stay in my room all day without eating yet I still had to clean, then cook for the kids and go straight back to my room I really would rather be at school getting made fun of then here so I heard the bus and ran out getting on "good morning Stephanie" my sweet bus driver said happily "hi Pam" I yawned. By the look on her face, I can tell she was worried about me but I ignored it and sat in the first seat and looked out the window hoping I didn't doze off to sleep. Instead, I starting thinking about the kids

Are they okay?

Is the baby going to bed fed and changed while I'm gone?

Why did the world hate me?

Am I better gone?

Things that really shouldn't be going through an 8-year-old head but what can I say I'm broken