I Am Not Indigo

Chapter One

Chapter One

      Pain. It is in the pit of my stomach. Grief, loss, anger. They are churning away, making me feel a little queasy. All these negative emotions are nothing compared to the want, though. The want of a new past, a new present, a new future. The future will never come, but I like to believe it will. It keeps me sane, something not a lot of things do at the moment. I push the thought away with a smile. I really must be losing my head.

      "Flight 2746 to Miami is now boarding in Gate A23."

      The intercom cut off with a pleasant-sounding beep.

      I glance up at my surroundings. They consist of many bodies darting to and fro to get to their various destinations. But it feels so unnatural, so... different. They act so oblivious to each other, like they don't even know anybody else is there. The only normal thing is the walking. The steady one-two-three beat of the feet on the marble floor is the only thing helping me keep my sanity in check. So I stand up and follow suit, glad to have somewhere to go, something to do. I needed to do something to distract myself from my thoughts and my emotions.

      Kansas City International Airport is filled with many people at this time of day, and I'm sure I am going to have a few bumps and bruises as souvenirs of this magnificent battle; the Battle of the Airport Crowd. The marks don't matter so much, as long as I get away. I wander through the bustling crowds, attempting to find something. I'm sure what it is yet, but I want it so badly to be good. I indulge myself in the thought of it.

      I let myself absorb the vibe and the lives of people around me. I see the embraces people give each other and feel solemn. I was never going to be loved like that, ever. I want to cry but force the tears down, not wanting to draw any attention to myself. Instead, I walk. I walk and I think.

      I think about what I will be missing in Kansas, and come up blank. I wasn't going to miss the farmland, the people, the fresh air. This place had too many bad memories to miss. Too many bad people to say goodbye to. I never really liked it here. I had never thought about Kansas as my home. In my mind, it was a pit-stop; a mid-way pause before the big adventure. And now the adventure has arrived.

      I move with the crowd, the pushing and pulling guiding me towards where I am supposed to go. Finally, the big looming figures 'A23' stare down at me. I ditch the people I was pretending to be with, realizing this is where my feet we're taking me. Miami.

      I peer down at my ticket where my name was printed in bold lettering: Indigo van Housten.  It was the name I had picked a few days ago, a name that meant a new start, a new identity, a new me.

      I begin to walk towards the line that was boarding the plane. To me, it symbolizes the beginning of my new life. And with this new life came new fantasies, so I let myself dream. I dream about making friends, and breaking the hearts of many boys. I dream about graduating high school with flying colors and getting a successful job at a High-End law firm. I dream about being important...

    And that's where I stop myself. First of all, these were in imaginings of a weak, obnoxious girl, someone in my past I have grown to hate with a passion. And secondly, I could not be important, even now that I was Indigo. My incapability to stand out and do something for other people will still be present, no matter how many times I change my name. I choose not to dwell on it, and think to myself, Maybe I will be important.

      Maybe...

      Maybe not, the voice at the back of my mind urges. I push it away and try to think positive.

      Maybe...

      That is the thought that pushes me forward. I hand my plane to one of the hostesses and take my first step as Indigo. I think that Indigo feels good on me, so I try her out a bit more. She will never be as good as me, my old self thinks. She doesn't have the fight in her that I had. I attempt to push her out of my mind, but she pushes back with more strength than Indigo could ever muster.

      You are a coward, Indigo! Let me back in!

      Go away! I scream back. I don't want you here!

      Something changes in my mind, and it went silent. I shake my head. I had to remember I was no longer Hannah Scott.

      I was Indigo.

      And Indigo likes change.

***

      "What are you doing?" an angry voice said from the doorway.        

      I raised my eyes cautiously, like a deer staring at its predator. I could smell the faint scent of alcohol omitting from my father. There was also the unfamiliar smell that was almost... metallic that I couldn't quite pinpoint. Well, until I saw red fluid streaking down his arm from an open wound. Blood.        

      "Are you stupid?" he asked, scowling at me.        

      I realized I hadn't spoken yet, but my voice box wouldn't cooperate with me because of the building fear in the pit of my stomach. I stared at my fathers almost broken form. The clean white shirt he had put on this morning was covered in blood and booze stains, and his black pants looked like some had clawed at them. I noticed a French manicured tip at the edge of a tear and instantly thought of my Mom.        

      My father continued to wait for his answer, an impatient gleam at the corner of his eye, as I continued to stare, horrified. Finally, something changed in the atmosphere around us.        

      And it was at that moment that three things happened:  

      1. My father stepped forward and grabbed my hair, pulling me down towards my beige carpet.  

    2. I heard my mother scream downstairs, pleading for a way to end the pain, the unstoppable pain.  

      3. I lost my life and everything that made me me.        

      I no longer remembered who I was. All that remained in my mind was the fear.        

      Get me out of this place...        

      And that's when the first blow came.  

* * *

      I am standing in the line ready to get onto the flight when the flashback comes. I am jolted back unexpectantly by the sudden force of the memory. My vulnerability earned itself a few curious glares, but I didn't care. My mind was fixed on not letting the waterfall of tears from leaving my green eyes.

      When it was my turn to hand my ticket over and board, a hostess turned her now pitying eyes towards me.  

      "Are you okay, sweetie?" she asked in her too-sweet voice.  

      I just glared at her and practically shoved my hand in her face, impatience filling me as I waited for the return of my ticket. She hurriedly hands it back to me, obviously sensing my urgency.  

      "H-have a good -day, ma'am," she stutters and I can literally see her pulse against her dark skin. My eyes linger on that little bit of skin, and her eyes widen. She begins to gasp, but I walk away. Later I would hear that one of the hostesses died from lack of oxygen.  

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------   Hello there O_O I hoped you enjoyed this Chapter so... yeah... Thank you for reading <3 It really means a lot to me :D Byeee :*