I’m just here, waiting for her to come. It was already 11 in the evening and until now she’s not coming back. Sitting in an old chair, I was sewing a dress for her. While her father was wide awake watching a football game in our television at our sala.
“BLAAAG!” I heard the door slam and from that I knew that she was here. Finally!
“Where are you from?” my husband ask her calmly. But it seems that she doesn’t want to talk to us.
“It’s none of your buisness!” she shouted, then he quickly run towards her door.
I just look at my husband’s face, and I see great disappointment in him. I know he’s offeded. But he doesn’t want to show it, instead he was keeping it inside. He was numbing the pain again.
I tried to comfort him, I sat beside him and gave him my warm embrace, and heard him sighing a thousand times.
“My wife, tell me what to do. I know that she’s hurted and she also cried a thousand tears, how can I comfort her and cease tha pain in her heart when she’s not letting me to help her!?” He exclaimed.
I hugged him tighter.
I wanted to tell him that everything will be okay, but I can’t, I just can’t do it. I don’t want to speak a word because I know that it’ll hurt him really bad, so I just burried those words inside my heart and let them hurt me inside.
I go to my daughter’s room and check if she’s asleep, but I was wrong when I saw her crying. Why is she crying? Great anguish is killing me, everytime I saw her eyes filled with tears.
With a great pain in my heart I slowly walk towards her.
I held her hands and slightly squeeze it.
But it seems that she doesn’t want to see me. She just wiped her tears and laid her body the cold bed.
“Its cold." She mutter and go to the window and close it. I want to hug her and kiss her, there’s many things I want to do with her, so many stories to share with each other, but I just can’t because I can’t change what happend in the past.
Then suddenly, she saw a blade, a blade that can put her to misery and cut her life. Again, I saw tear fell down in her beautiful eyes.
Don’t tell me that she’ll kill herself?
I just watch what she will do. I know that she will not do it, my child was a very smart and tough girl, she would not do anything to harm herself.
“I can’t bear the pain Ma.” Her voice were shaking as she slowly pick the blade.
“Maybe I’m over you Ma, maybe I’ve moved on,or maybe I’m just a good liar!” she continued and looked at the sharp blade.
“Francheska!!! No! Don’t do it!” I shrieked but she doesn’t hear me. WHY!?
I heard her sobbing.
She hastily get a sheet of paper and pen then write.
“Dear Daddy,
It’s really hard for me to talk when the pain is killing me inside. I just can bear to live happy and smile, I can’t pretend that everyday in my life was okay when it’s not. Everytime that I think too much about our happy memories as a family I cried and I can’t help it. My mind is killing me dad, my circles under my eyes are getting darker, and my waist is getting smaller, I’m starving myself and we both know that my smile... disappeared. My heart is full of regret and I think the only answer in this problem is a secret suicide. I’m going to put myself in a long sleep and be gone for a long time, maybe it will ease the pain dad.. I’m sorry for doing this, I just want you to know that I love you dad even if I can’t really show it, forgive me dad and please do me a favor. SMILE!
Your Princess,
Francheska”
After that, she place her suicide note to her table and run towards her bed.
How can I stop her? How!! O God, please do help me!!!
____
“Goodbye.” After sayaing those words I’m ready to cut my life, this damn life. I’ve made up my mind that I’m going to end this.
But..
The frame suddenly fell down and broke and saw my mom’s picture.
I cried again. I know she was stopping me, I know that she’s here. I know in my heart she’s here.
The window suddenly opened and the wind blow hard. I hurriedly close the window, accidentally, I saw a scattered and crumpled paper in my study table
I was shocked when I saw what is inside it.
A note saying that.. “Pain can change you but that doesn’t mean it has a bad change. Take that pain and turn it into a wisdom.”
From that I already knew that my mother was always here watching me.
“Ma.... so-sorry!!!” I screech.
Yeah, I know she’s already gone, she past away five years ago because of an accident, my father accidentally slapped my mother in the face really hard when she was trying to help my father, and she hit her head in a cold hard wall, my father was drunk that time because he lost his job, instead of search another job and moving he wa just stuck there. Since then my life became a misery I became colder until no one can really help me from this nightmare... even my father. Cause I always blame him from my mother’s death.
I woke up early to see my father, I rush and go down in our kitchen.
“Dad...” I feel so timid infront of him. I know that he was shocked upon hearing my voice calling him dad...
“Yes princess?” he replied.
“I’m s-sorry *sob* all this time, I was blaming you for mom’s death, all I can see was your mistake and I never notice your efforts to make me smile.*sob*" My tears start to fall downn as I utter those heartbreaking words. I don’t know why, this feeling is so brand new. I think that is because I already let go of the agony that I had kept for a long time.
My father slowly walk towards me and gave me a big hug and finally cried at my shoulders.
“My d-daughter, p-please do forgive me for what I have done, because of me, our family became a mess.” He said and finally shrill.
I just shooked my head “No dad, there’s no one to blame, maybe God allowed that accident because He wants us to be tough enough in facing certain problems dad, stop whipping dad, you’re hurtin Ma. Dad, I know that you’re still in pain, and I undesrtand that but time will heal all wounds, trust God dad.” This feeling was so strange, comforting my daddy.
“Though time heal all wounds, still I’m hurt and that hurt will never be mended.” He whisper.
“Dad, please just be happy on what was left on you, that’s me, your daughter.” After saying those words he just squeezed my arms and gave a peck of kiss in my forehead.
“Promise I will.” Then wipe his tears and gave me his sweetest smille.
Again he pull me near to him and hug him. I burried my face in his chest.
In life, we must stop looking at the past. Life is all about moving forwards. Always remember that God has a reason why we experience joy and pain, and no matter what He was always watching us feom above.
-END-
