When I Was Young

My aunt took me over in the afternoon, a smile covering my face. My cousins laughed and joked in the car, excited to see our grandmother after so long.

When I was young with my grandmother, we stood in the backyard, looking out over the pond, unsure of the tragedy about to unfold.

Later, in the mid-evening, I was helping my youngest cousin get settled into the new house. My aunt comes out, with a shout.

When I was young at my grandmother's house, I tried to make sense of the shouts. "Call an ambulance!" What was that even about?!

On our way inside, I heard everyone crying and demanding we go outside, saying we don't need in, we don't need to see.

Afterward, we stood outside in the yard, hearing the sirens drawing nearer, while I was watching everyone panicking.

When I was young and unsure what was happening, I called my mother. We were left on our own, a haunting message leaving me unsure what to do.

"Keep everyone calm. Your grandma is most likely already gone." My cousins didn't hear, but that message haunted my mind. My cousins and I cried.

When I was young and afraid, the ambulance pulled in front of the house. I pulled everyone out of the way and fought my panic. Sometimes I would be the strong one, keeping everyone else calm in a sea of pain and confusion, but now I was the one needing someone.

The ambulance didn't immediately leave. They stayed in for a long time, leaving us all wondering why.

When I was young and breaking, I saw my grandmother drained of any life. They were constantly shocking her and trying to bring her back.

The eldest of us all screamed and punched a tree, splintering bark across the yard. The dog paced around us and I tried not to cry more than I already was.

When I was young and traumatized, my step father pulled into the drive. He took us back to my aunt's house, where I wanted to hide.

When I was young and unsure what happened and why, my mother got the call and she couldn't stop crying.

When I was young with my grandmother, I never wanted another, for I was with my grandmother, but now...I am without the one I loved and spent so much time with...and without another.