Two DoorsOne Choice

I was stuck in a dark room. There were two doors in front of me. The door on the left was quite small, and made of oak. There was a large circular brass doorknob on the right side of the door. The second door was much larger, painted black with shapes like an ivy vine etched into it. In the middle of the door, there was a large bronze door knocker, beside that a bronze door handle. 

Now it was my decision to choose which door to go through.
All I knew was one led straight to death, and the other to continue living. I knew I couldn't just sit there because my soul would rot away.

I go through this decision every day. But it's each day shown differently. This is today's mental choice if I should commit suicide today. Or should I carry on with the struggle of life?

I put my hand on the small oak door. The warmth spread through my fingers like butterflies. Whereas when I put my hand on the black door it was hot to touch, but made my body freeze. As if there was this ongoing fight between hot and cold.

I had heard the saying "when death comes knocking" so I was immediately drawn away from the larger door with the bronze knocker. But then, what if death comes knocking at that door and behind that door is life? The fight between the cold or hot is my fight with life? But it also reminds me of the stories of hell. Being so hot because of the anger and sin. But so cold because you have nothing to keep you warm...

What could be behind the small door then? The warmth made me feel this feeling I haven't felt in a long time; happy. Would that be because I'm happy cause my fight would be over? Or is it Heaven? But what if that's what's to come in my life. What if these antidepressants finally kick in and I get married and somewhat happy again. But what if it's not what if it is Heaven?

AHHHH!! What do I do?
What a minute. I'm a Christian aye. So what if I just go with the big door because I wouldn't be going to Hell? But I want to see God, could I go through the small door to go to Heaven? But what if the sizes are telling me that I should go through the big door cause it's easier to go through.... 

I got it! I placed my hand on the bronze doorknob and turned. Whatever's behind this say hello to your new roomie!