To Fly Away

Chapter Five

Things are not better in the morning.

When I wake up at three AM, memories from last night assault my mind. They hit me in the chest like a knife, sink through my flesh, spear my heart. I sit up in bed and rest my face in my hands, shutting my eyes as tight as I can, but when I open them the world is still there. I'm not sure if I'm glad.

I've heard stories of rejected mates. Tall tales elementary school children tell on the playground. Stories no one pays much mind to, because it's never going to happen. Not to me, but it has.

The truth hurts more than any bullet ever could.

How will I go on? How will I get up and go to school in four hours, and act like everything is normal? I don't think I can.

This kind of thing isn't something people are supposed to be able to live through. People are supposed to know that someday, they will fall in love. Children are supposed to have that hope. And now the one person who was supposed to love me, who was destined to love me, has cast me aside. I will be alone forever.

What am I going to do?

What the Hell am I going to do?

I don't know, I don't know, I don't know. I just don't know.

I sit there, in darkness, in the limbo between day and night, and I try to come up with a solution. I try to make plans. Step by step, I'll be able to get past this. But plans can't change reality.

By 6:30 in the morning, I have decided that I'm not going to school today. The thought of seeing him makes me want to be sick. The thought of seeing him with Azia, when he should be with me, he should be with me! It makes me want to throw myself off of a cliff. So I don't think I'll go to school tomorrow, either. Or for the rest of the week for that matter.

I laugh a short, rough laugh. My voice is hoarse from crying.

I think about it, and really, I don't imagine that many people would notice if I stopped going to school altogether. They wouldn't, would they? So what's stopping me? From not going ever again?

I could run away, and it would take them days to figure it out. It could take months. It could take years. Of course Charlot would notice, but it's not like she wouldn't get over it. She has other friends. Better friends than me.

I could leave forever, and no one would care enough to stop me. I've never seriously thought about it before. Of course I've always dreamed of running away. Of just getting up, walking out the door, and going where my feet take me. It's never seemed realistic. Never seemed like a real option, like something I could get away with.

It's a stupid idea. It's a stupid plan. It isn't even a plan! It's a notion, a half formed thought that could only get me nowhere. I should stop thinking about it now and get up and get over it and move on, but I don't. I can't.

I cannot stay here a moment longer and it's such a goddamn relief I could cry, but I don't think I have any tears left.

I am numb.

So I stand up. I take a shower. Get dressed. Don't bother to pack my things. And I walk out the door.



***



I stand with Kenji at the bridge. He followed me without my asking. I think he understood, somehow, that I wasn't going to be coming back.

Behind me is Lilac Falls. In front of me is the bridge, and beyond that, the trees. The forest. The mountains. The wide, open sky full of possibilities, promises of a new life, a new name, a new world, and it will be mine.

In front of me is escape.

"Come on Kenji," I say. "We're getting out of this place."

I cross the bridge. I don't look back.



***



I don't know where I'm going. I've been walking for what feels like hours down this deserted stretch of road that doesn't seem to lead anywhere. The next town over doesn't seem to exist.

The sun is still climbing in the sky, but the trees are thick on either side of me, and If I'm not somewhere safe by nightfall I'll have good reason to be worried. Darkness is never friendly, and rogues are not uncommon in places like this.

I walk faster.

I'm trying not to think about what lies behind me, the life I've abandoned. But with nothing else to distract me, just the empty asphalt stretching on for miles and miles in front of my feet, it's hard not to.

Have they realised that I'm gone yet? What are they thinking? What is he thinking? Does he care?

I remember the words he said to me last night and flinch. Of course he doesn't. He's probably glad. Now I'm out of his way. He can pretend that I never was his mate, and he can go right ahead and replace me with the next blonde bimbo to come along.

I kick an empty Dr. Pepper can into the shrubs between the trees lining the road, scowling.

Something moves, then, and the bushes rustle with movement. Out of the corner of my eye, I see a flash of dark brown fur.

I freeze. The hairs on the back of my neck stand up. From my right, Kenji whines and ducks his head.

Silence.

I shift, afraid to make any sudden movements. Do I run? It could have been anything. A rabbit. A deer.

Or something else. Something bigger.

I wait. The woods are silent. Nothing happens. Not taking my eyes off the spot where I saw whatever the thing was, I take a tentative step forward.

It bursts from the trees in a flash of dark fur, it's massive front paws outstretched, it's teeth barred. It barrels into me and I'm lying with my back pressed against the rough asphalt, the thing crouching over me.

It's huge, one of the largest wolves I've ever seen. Bigger than any of the Lilac Falls wolves. It' unmistakably a rogue. The muscles in it's legs ripple as it bends over me, snarling. I'm panicking. I know that I have no chance of running - this thing could kill me in a second with a swipe of it's paw. My hands scramble frantically over the ground for something to use as a weapon, a rock or a branch lying near enough to grab hold of. There's nothing. I'm defenseless.

Out of the corner of my eye I see Kenji. He barks at the rouge from where he stands on the opposite side of the road, pacing back and forth nervously, too afraid to get any closer.

Oh god, I am going to die.

I let out a shaky breath, staring wide-eyed at the monster above me. I start to shake uncontrollably as it shifts closer to me, pushes it's muzzle forward to sniff me, it's breath fanning over my face. It's claws dig into the pavement on either side of my skull. I squeeze my eyes shut, whimpering, tears freely streaming down my face now. I wait to die.

I never should have left. It was childish. I never ever should have left.

Then, from above me, there's a yelp, a distinct, animalistic cry of pain and I feel the air around me lighten. My eyes snap open, I scramble to my feet, stumble and trip over myself as I back away blindly from the spot I'd been pinned moments ago. The wolf faces away, it's attention no longer on me, but something else. Another wolf.

The second wolf is smaller, lighter, and pure white. Against the harsh grey of the roadside, it almost seems to glow. It stalks towards the rogue in graceful, lopping steps it as it backs away, cowering. I see now that the wolf that had been attacking me has a fresh wound, three long gashes on it's side. The paw of the white wolf is stained red with blood.

I back away slowly, afraid to attract the attention of either of these rogues. Falling back behind the cover of the trees, I ponder my options. I could run, but even though they seem to be distracted I'm afraid to turn my back on the wolves and open myself up to an attack from behind. Hiding seems like the best thing to do, but what about Kenji? He cowers behind my legs, whimpering and breaking twigs beneath his weight as he watches the wolves circle each other only a few yards away.

Transitioning into my wolf form would give me a better chance - at running, and fighting if it comes to that, but it would take too long and it would be too risky. The panic sets in full force again as the wolves in front of me begin to fight. It'll be over soon and I don't want to still be here when the champion is no longer distracted, and probably hungry.

I spin on my heel and take off into the forest.

The brittle leaves left over from Autumn crunch under my feet as I sprint through the trees, the noises from behind me fading. I've always been fast. Really fast. It makes me a little less scared. I run without slowing down until the trees start to thin and I reach a stream, cutting into the ground in front of me.

I bend over, winded, placing my hands on my knees and sucking in deep breaths through my nose. I should be safe now. After a minute I begin to study the river, searching for a way across. It's not running very quickly, and doesn't seem to be dangerously deep. If all else fails I suppose I could just walk, and carry Kenji with me.

I glance over my shoulder. "Come on, Kenj-" I gasp. My dog is standing a few feet away, crouching low in the dead grasses lining the riverbank. A low growl rumbles from his throat. Sitting at the edge of the trees, perfectly still, is the white wolf.

I stand there, shocked. Glance behind me at the stream, disregard any thoughts of running.

When I look back, the wolf is no longer there, and in his place stands a man, leaning unasumingly against the trunk of a tree. I blink, taking a step backward in shock.

The man speaks, then. "You don't have to be afraid." His voice is deep, husky but somehow smooth. He's older than me by at least a couple years, naked, though I try to ignore that, with lightly tanned skin and dark brown hair that falls to just above his shoulders. Tall, lean. He stands there, watching me, his eyes never leaving mine.

I open my mouth, can't speak, close it again.

"You're alone, aren't you?" He asks, pushing away from the tree he had been leaning against to move slowly towards me. "You've left your pack."

"I. . ." I wet my lips. Glance behind me again. "I didn't. I'm with others. They're close."

He stops moving, cocks his head to one side. "You don't have to be afraid," he says again. "I'm not going to hurt you. Come with me. You're young. Too young to be out here by yourself."

"What? No, why. . . Why should I trust you?" I can't take any more steps away or I'll be in the river.

"I saved your life," he says, simply. "That rogue back there isn't going to be the first you run into, especially if you're lost."

"I'm not," I say curtly. "And you, you're a rogue. You're no better than the one you saved me from." I don't know where this boldness is coming from.

The man smiles wryly. "I'm not what you need to be scared of." He turns around suddenly, starts walking back towards the trees. "If you want to be safe, I'd suggest you follow me," he calls over his shoulders.

I stand stiff for a moment, not sure what to do. Not sure what's happening here. The wise thing, I tell myself, would be to wait for him to leave and then make my way back to the road, and keep walking until I reach civilization.

But he's right, whoever he is. And if I don't take this chance I could be dead by nightfall. "Wait," I yell, starting after him. "Wait!"

He slows, allows me to catch up. "Good," he says, smiling a half smile. "My name's Ian."

"Alice," I whipser.

And somehow, I know that from this moment on, my life will never be the same again.