we're just lost

* release *

"Are you sure you're going to be okay, Rach? It's not too late" I say, hoping maybe she'd change her mind.

"Yes! Now, go! I don't want you to miss your flight" she says kissing my cheek and pushing me through the airport doors.

Rachel, being a victim of depression and anxiety, decided she wanted to do something for herself and signed herself up for a sports camp to help make some new friends and to get herself out there.

Sitting here in the plane, waiting for the flight attendant to tell us to fasten our seatbelts, Rachel was all I could think about. When i waved goodbye to her, i could tell she didn't want me to leave, but i had to take her word for it. Everything would be okay. Leaving her alone was the last thing I wanted to do, but as long as she is away from the my mother and Don, I'd be able to sleep at night.

My mother and I have tried to connect, but I'll never forgive her for detaching herself away from her children for some abusive, drunken, piece of shit. She shouldn't have gotten custody of Rachel and I when my parents got their divorce. But do I have a say? Socially, yes. Legally, no.

After accepting the fact that she'd be okay when she got to camp in a few days, I stopped shaking my eager foot and buckled my seatbelt.

As the plane took off, I couldn't help but notice how transcendent the sky looked. Sacramento, California looked so beautiful from above. The lights on the buildings were lit up from head to toe across a wide range of land. It was bright, warm, and dare I say, welcoming to the eye. Little did anyone know how much darkness was filled within every corner of that bright, warm, and welcoming pleasure to the eye.

Leaning on the window, I decided to let go of my troubled thoughts in my head and just sleep. While flying away, I could feel myself letting go of all the stress being previously set upon me. Maybe now I could get some actual sleep.