Hope

"Soooo...hope" my friend Abigail says as we sit at the skateboard park and talk "yes?" I ask as I look at her with puffy cheeks "why where you crying?" She asks. I had been crying all day, I just found out my boyfriend cheated on me and I haven't told anyone yet "nothing, I'm just thinking" I say as I look down at my dangling feet "oh, okay" she says and looks around, she sees all the boys skating and I can tell she wants to go talk to.....jake. I shiver at the sound of his name in my thoughts. But Abby doesn't notice "I'll be right back" she says as she jumps up and goes over to him. I nod as she is already to him, she has her hand on her other arm and she keeps biting her lip. I do not like her. She has always chose boys over me. She has the perfect life though, she's so pretty. I wish I was her. I sign and look back down at my feet. Eventually I get up and wave bye to her, she waves back and continues to talk to HIM. I start to walk home and think. Maybe if I jump infront of a car it'll all go away I say as each and every car that passes by. I talk to myself and pray someone texts me.
When I get home I walk inside and straight upstairs. Ever since my dad finished the upstairs he doesn't seem to like us having locks on our door so...me and my sister don't even have a freakin door nob. Neither does my brothers room. I walk in and sit on my bed "I'm gonna take a shower" I say to my sister as I stand back up and get my stuff, I walk to the bathroom and lock the door at least this has a door.
I get in the shower and stand there, I feel nothing at all, I feel empty. My thirteenth birthday was a disaster! We went ice skating and then came back home...nothing else, oh well. I look at my shaver sitting on my rack. I want to feel something but yet I want to feel nothing at all. Anything could be better then this. Feeling noting but pain. I keep thinking and then realize my hand has my razor in it, I stare at the sharp blade as the light reflects off of it. Maybe I could....fell something....
I slowly rub the sharp blade across my fourarm and a line of blood trickles in little dots where it cut. The three little dark lines drip down my arm as the water hits it. The steamy water makes the pain sting a little more. I gasp in pain but it felt like a good type of pain. The type of pain that makes me CRAVE more "HOPE!" I hear my little brother yell "I need to take a shower! Hurry up!" He bangs on the door "ONE MINUTE!" I tell back out "HOPE! BE NICE TO YOURE BROTHER!" My mom says from the bottom of the stairs I assume "sorry!" I say just loud enough for her to hear. I turn off the water and get out, I get dressed and look at my arm which stopped bleeding once I whiped it. I never thought something so ugly could feel so freaking good!
I get out and walk to my room hiding my arm the whole time, thank god my sister is not in here. I get dressed then lay on my bed looking at the wall. I have my arm under the blanket along with the rest of my body.
"Why did I do that?" I write in my diary "everything seems so hard, Abigail has no reason to be here. Or be my so called "friend" . She has never been a very good one, she keeps acting like she's miss perfect and keeps saying she has a group of friends that o am apparently apart of. But no! I don't even know those people. Uhg. Bye for now" i finish writing and put the book under my mattress right as my sister walked in. I lay under my blanket and start to fall asleep.