Hey Boy

I

05 APR 2016
23:53

Hey Boy,

You don't know who I am, but you'll find out in a while.
I know, who you are, I see you every day, see you, having fun with your friends. You are damn smart, seem to be always happy and look great grinning. I love, that you are this smart and happy, that you are having fun, and that you are so good looking. I love, that you are, like you are.

I'm in your math and art class, I also see you with your friends sometimes. You are so... damn, I can't describe it.

Every fucking day I look at you, love your smile a bit more, and wish, that you try to talk to me, or look at me, like I do – but you don't. You don't even see me, and if you do, I am just a weird girl – silent, introverted, arrogant or however you see me. I am not, what I want to be, and I never will.

But, that's not the worst thing. The worst thing is that I really am introverted. I have no idea, how to find friends without knowing anybody before. I always knew someone, and now, if I want to find new friends, I don't know how. I am not really good at small talk, because... I don't know, I'm just not good. If I try to talk to people I just don't feel well.

Whatever... Now it's too late to change what happened. What I am going to do, after I've written this letter is a clear thing. You won't ever have the chance to find out, who I am, and I'll never have the chance to get to know you better. What I am going to do now is not easy to do, and even harder to tell you, the guy I love, in this letter.

You should know, I don't like myself much. I feel dumb and unsporting, to shy, arrogant and ugly. I also have some weird thoughts prisoned in my head, thoughts I won't ever share with anybody and sometimes I am just sad, without a reason. I am not depressed, but because I am so introverted I distrust most of people and think a bit too much.

I love you since I saw you the fucking first time, I love you so much... your eyes, your smile... I love you, but you won't ever love me.

Right now I'm sitting on a bench near the brink of the cliffs of Moher, where I am going to jump down into the water where I hopefully die.

Please make my last wish come true, read my journal and the stories I wrote, so that you get to know me and then, remember me and smile, because I don't want anyone to feel bad. Make others smile, and make you smile.

Enjoy every day, love,
Me ^^