Me (Chapter 3)

As I sat there sinking into myself, I tried to hide away my true colours from the world. Hiding behind the curtain, away from socities judgement; away from the fear of my own doings. Absorbing others pain and bottling up my own. I wont say a word, even a movement would show that I'm here. I just wanted to hide.Everything I do now is part of the count down to my own end; the day which I wished for every single day of my life...

With eyes on the floor and shy hands, I sprinted away from the crowds and into a small sharp corner, alone. No ones around and nothing to be afraid of, for once in my life.

Nothing. That's all I can hear. My head, thumping, with every painful thought. Just dying to silence the world. To make them listen to a small voice that didn't matter. Once you try and determine yourself as a person; your not ! Everything that tries to become what it's not, becomes a failure.

"Nothing" is the word that we all use to hide everything, the pain, guilt and desperation.

Defining yourself is an insult to everything you have been and going to be. We can tell others who they are in just a few basic words "slag", "ugly","trash". All these words actually have a meaning, but we abuse these words on a daily basis. Just like a phone, list your most common words used; I bet one of these are in your top 3.

Honestly, society is too full of itself to realise that people need a helping hand in life. To get out of the quick sand and step back into a crowd of those who can guide you back on track to the person you've chosen to be.

"Hey, you OK babes?" my best friend screams to me from a far. Everytime someone asked me this, that was it , I was like Niagra Falls. Nothing could stop me from crying now because nothing was OK, everything was a mess. I was like a puzzle, with a missing piece, I could never be a complete person. Completing me was never on anyones agenda, I was meant to be broken for the whole of eternity.

Chucking everything out of my bag, I tried to find tissues, but I didnt have any. It was as if God wanted everyone to see my pathetic self crying for absolutely no reason but myself. If anyone was to show weakness at school, would anyone choose to listen, would anyone care or pick up the broken pieces of the shattered soul?

Shadows are used for hiding and thats exactly what I was going to do. If I remained invisible everything would vanish into thin air and I would never have to worry about anything ever again. But that wasn't going to happen. When I hide, I know the exact person I am, there's no pretending or worries; I could just drift off. My world was different, where I wasn't alone and people wouldn't be ashamed of the person I was.

Form was the worst part of the day. There was nothing there for someone like me to hide behind. The world just disappears when I close my eyes. Even though I'm surrounded by friends, I become alone. Hundreds of voices pounding in my head, but one echo of clarity.

"Why"

Why are you alive? Why are you still here? Why do you even bother with life?. Why.WHy. WHY !

He always tested my patience and tolerance, which quite frankly was running really thin lately. Teachers tell students to just ignore it, that it can only hurt you if you let it. It can never be that easy with words of ignorance and evil being thrown at you like flaming arrows and bullets. I just broke. I was like a random thunder storm on a sunny day.

"You would just love that wouldn't you? If I just slit my throat right here, right now, I bet you would just laugh along with every other self absorbed person in this room! Well do you know what, I wont give you the satisfaction, because eventually one day you will be nothing and I will insult you, and you can see how I felt!" With my head held strong, I marched away from him regretting every word I had opened my mouth to say. Now I was exactly like them, I acted matcho and hard to become a person I'm not and a side to me I never want to see again; ever.