Love Is Watching Someone Die

This is a Destiel fic!

Rated T for death and sadness.

Credit to the band Death Cab For Cutie for the title.

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"Love is watching someone die."

Dean blinked slowly, and smiled with the most effort he could muster. "I..can't..." Castiel was by his side, back hunched, trench coat barely grazing the floor. "It's...it's ok... Cas.." Cas reached out a hand and rested it gingerly on Dean's face. Dean's head seemed to fall into Cas's embrace.

Funny, how a slight touch of one's hand against one's face can be so powerful.

"Cas...I want you to know..." Dean managed to croak out. "I love you, I love you so much...I can't bear the thought of being without you. But...most of all, I can't bear the thought of you being without me."

It felt as though Castiel's heart was literally wrenched out of his chest. It's impossible though, how could words do that? Cas looked down and was assured that his heart was still there.

But he wished it wasn't, because that meant he'd have to indulge the pain that his lover was gone every day. He couldn't, he can't... "Cas, please tell me you'll be alright..."

A tear.

One tear.

It fell onto Dean's hand; it was resting by his side on the slightly uncomfortable hospital bed. But Dean shifted it, so he could grasp onto Cas's trench coat. It didn't have to be his trench coat, but he needed something. He needed to know he hadn't left yet.

Cas was feeling pain. Sadness. He hadn't experienced that before. It was horrible, terrible, worse than having your heart ripped out.

Actually, it was like his heart grew back every time it was teared out so it could just be yanked from his body again, and again, and over and over.

"Dean...Dean..." Cas pleaded. There was no way he could survive.

Well, either of them.

Dean was dying of cancer, and when he finally passed Cas would not be able to cope.

"Cas..Cas..?" Dean's eyes teared up slightly. "Shhh yes, I'm here..what is it, what do you need?" The fallen angel whispered hoarsely. "You...you're so..."

"Shhh..." Castiel leaned in and kissed Dean softly on the forehead. Dean's eyes fluttered with, well, Cas couldn't tell whether it was love or the cancer finally taking over.

"No...Cas...I, I..."

"Please, just..." Castiel whimpered. The tears started to stream then. "Don't talk. Just let this be..." The no-longer-angel was thoroughly sobbing now, clutching onto Dean's blankets. He now had to reassure HIMSELF that Dean was still there, on that puny rock of a planet.

Dean shifted slightly, and Cas felt it. He looked up quickly, his face wet. Dean's mouth was moving but no words were coming out. His blinks were getting slower and slower. Cas got up and shuffled over a few steps. He leaned in close, and his hand searched for Dean's. He found it and clasped it tight. Dean's hand didn't move. Castiel could start to feel the warmth and colour drain from his lover's hand and face. Dean's mouth opened and Castiel knew these words would be his last.

"Who....are you...?"

Bang.

Castiel had been shot.

Or at least it felt that way.

How could this be possible.

How could those be his last words?It's not fair, no, no no no.

Castiel was frozen, he couldn't move. All he did was stare into Dean's brilliantly bright green eyes.

The brilliance was fading.

But he noticed something...

A spark in Dean's eyes.

A spark of confusion.

And...fear.

Right before those emeralds' brightness disappeared.

"...No..." Whispered Cas. "No. No. No...no." The electrocardiograph monitor's fast beeping subsided to a high-pitched, non-beeping wail.

Dean was gone.

But he wasn't, because it wasn't Dean who had left.

He had no idea who Castiel, or even who he himself were.

"No...no, no, no, no, no, oh god oh hell no."

The now completely subsided beeping sent off an alarm that warned the nurses and doctors that a patient was dying, or dead.

They rushed in, but Castiel did not notice.

He was clutching Dean's blankets, and Dean, and screaming, crying, trembling...

A nurse tried to calm him down and get him away from Dean quickly so they could try to restart his heart. But Castiel couldn't hear her and he shoved her into a wheeled table as she went to put her hand on his shoulder.

Three more nurses rushed over and grappled at the angel. He screeched and tears we're cascading down his face now. He howled and tried to free himself, but he was too weak from all the emotions welling up inside of him.

A doctor got out the defibrillator and called out "Clear!" before bringing it down quickly. There was a slight buzzing noise, and Dean's body shook.

Nothing happened.

"Clear!"

Castiel couldn't see. He couldn't hear, either.

All he saw were shadows and shapes and he heard muted voices shouting "clear, clear," and his whole body hurt and he felt he'd pass out and his hands were wet as his tears deluged them completely and he stumbled and one of the nurses hurried over and caught him as he fell and then black, black, nothing...

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It's up to you to decide what happened to him.

Thank you for reading!