His Little Ballerina- B. Barnes

Prologue: Bucky (2014)

Without you is how I disappear

~This is How I Disappear, My Chemical Romance

I stared at my own reflection in the glass. I didn't look like myself... but then again, I haven't been myself for over seventy years. My reflections shows me something I don't want to accept. It shows me who I am now. The remains of a soldier. The remains of a hopeful soul.

But that doesn't matter to me as much as it did a few years ago. The only reason I'm staring at my own reflection is because I don't want to look at what's behind the glass.

I know it's there, but I don't want to admit it.

There's a body on the other side.

A body of someone I used to know. Someone who suffered like me.

That body did many things when it was alive, some of which were with me by it's side. Now, it'll never get the chance to make things right like it always wanted to.

That body was a ballerina.

A beautiful ballerina in fact.

She was graceful and sharp, and had all the best qualities for the monster she was forced to become.

The ballerina was dead, and there was nothing I could do about it.

"Buck..." I heard from behind me. I knew that voice anywhere. Sometimes when I heard it, I thought of the skinny boy from Brooklyn that I had to take care of instead of the super soldier that saved the world from a bat-shit crazy Nazi.

The voice belong to Steven Grant Rogers.

I turned around to face my best friend. He hadn't come alone. Beside him was a red haired girl who knew the ballerina more than I did. I should have known she would come to say goodbye, just as I had.

Steve walked up to me and wrapped me in a hug. I hugged back, needing something to hold on to.

"It's okay Bucky...we're here..." I heard him whisper, but his words weren't comforting.

Steve pulled away, and now it was Natasha Romanov's turn to try to console me.

She didn't hug me. She didn't place a reassuring hand on my shoulder. No, all she did was whisper in my ear.

"Это не конец."

I let her words sink in. Somehow, Natasha was right.

I took one last glance at the little ballerina and blew her lifeless body a kiss.

"Goodbye..." I whispered, though she could never say it back.

She couldn't reply. She couldn't look at me one last time. The ballerina was dead, and she could never come back.

"Bucky, we've got to go." Steve said softly.

"I don't want to go." I muttered.

"I know you don't... but you have to. We all have to." Natasha spoke this time, being gentle with her words.

I looked at the both of them. They seemed tense, like they were trying to walked through a minefield without getting blown up. They were thinking about their next move carefully.

They didn't want to set me off or break me.

The thing was, I was already broken. Only the ballerina could fix me... and now she's gone.

Something inside me snapped. Something told me that the only way to fix this was to get away from it.

"Tell Fury I don't want to be a part in any of his bullshit anymore." I snapped.

I stormed out of the room, into the hallway of the hospital. Steve and Natasha didn't follow me, and I was grateful for it.

But I didn't stop walking. I continued out of the building, and into the streets of Washington DC. I pulled the hood of my jacket up over my hat to hide my face from the public.

No one even glanced at me. No one noticed me walking through the streets with tears occasionally falling.

I didn't want to leave, but that's all I can do right now.

All I can do is walk away and pretend it never happened.

But it did happen.

I was too stupid not to see it coming. If only on I had paying attention...the ballerina wouldn't have died.

She'd still be here, just like she was before our last missions together.

She would be clinging onto me like a lost puppy. She'd try to tell me to move on when she knew the both of us never could. She would tell me what a reckless idiot I was, but love it when I did stupid things.

All that could never happen.

And it's all my fault.