How To Go Out With A Bang

01

"To Cam." Henry raised the bottle; anyone could tell he had already drunk most of its contents before the others arrived. Teri rolled her eyes, her usual chipper gone. London observed her as she pulled Ian's suit jacket against her shoulders, her long ginger hair falling over her knees and hiding her tear stained eyes. Sophie was brushing her fingers through the sand, her new dress stained with salt and dirt. Ian, on the other hand was lying down on his forearms, his eyes fixed on the late summer sky above him.

Everyone was here. This was everyone now.

London's stomach lurched at the thought, weightless, like she's on a roller coaster but she doesn't remember buying a ticket or even getting on. She couldn't breathe, her chest tightened and she clutches the material of her black skirt had to hide her trembling hands.

"London." Sophie shuffled through the sand to get to her side, her voice weary, "we didn't get to talk at the funeral, are you ok?"

None of them talked at the funeral, they didn't know what to say. Hey, our best friend suddenly died but how was your day? It was a miracle they all ended up here in the first place.

Henry had texted them after the funeral to come to his father's beach house but no one had agreed only turned up at some point.

When London hadn't answered, Sophie tried to lighten the mood with an anecdote. "You know the first words I ever said to Cam were 'I hate you'."

London turned to Sophie curiously mumbled, "why?"

"It was in the second grade and he had moved into the house next door to yours over the summer." She explained, recalling the days when they were all still young and hopeful, "When you guys came back to school you were already so close. I thought he was stealing my best friend." London managed a sympathetic smile.

"But you gave him a chance."

"You were my best friend; if you liked him he obviously wasn't so bad. Plus he made it his mission to befriend me and you know Cam never stops halfway." They both laughed lightly and pulled each other into a hug.

"See this is what I mean, girl feelings." Henry slurred, "We're outnumbered now." Sophie shoved him and fell into a slump beside London.

Teri lifted her head from her knees. "Do you guys think he knew he was going to die?"

"It was a hemorrhagic stroke," Sophie recited, "an unplanned consequence of the tumor if it presses up against a blood vessel. Besides he would have given us some warning if he knew."

"He knew." Ian's voice interrupted them and he pushed himself from the ground.

"What?" The momentary moment of collective peace collapsed and once again London's heart lurched in her chest.

"I mean, he didn't know about the aneurysm but the doctors gave him six months."

"He said he was going to be fine." Teri spoke through gritted teeth, a little angry at the lie.

"He had six months, he thought he had time to say goodbye." Ian explained, a little worried his friends would turn on him for keeping it a secret. He was sure if he hadn't been there when Cam collapsed and accompanied him to the hospital he too wouldn't have known till today. "He thought he had time to do a lot of things. We wrote a list together."

"What list?"

"A bucket list."

"Why are you telling us this?"

"Well I was just thinking," he lifted his head; everyone followed his gaze to the night sky. Henry's family beach house was a little further from the city, the very little light pollution made the stars extremely clear in the sky, "sleeping under the stars was one of them. Sophie was just saying how Cam never did anything half way."

"What are you saying?" Teri mumbled, tears threatened to fall from her clouded eyes at all the sudden information.

"Let's do it. Let's finish for him."

"Shut up," Henry incoherently babbled waving his bottle in the air, "you're drunk."

"No, that's you." Sophie rolled her eyes and narrowed her gaze disapprovingly in Henry's direction, "hear him out."

"You want us to sleep here?" London reasoned.

"Yeah, why not?" Ian countered. London didn't argue, honestly she had always felt a little shy around Ian. He was the last one to join their group, only joining when after he and Cam played junior lacrosse together in middle school.

"It actually sounds like a pretty good idea. None of us really got to say goodbye to him, maybe this is our chance to." Sophie reasoned, Teri was still unsure. She had cried for days after Cam's death and now she was just a little more angry.

"It won't change anything he'll still be dead."

"He would have wanted something like this."

"Sophie's right, he would have wanted to go out with a bang rather than just be dead." Ian added.

"You guys are fucking psycho." Teri rolled her eyes in annoyance.

"Teri."

"Ian please don't." The tears now ran down her face, Ian felt bad; Teri obviously felt his death just as much as the rest of them. No one was expected to grieve the same way. He maneuvered himself so he could pull her into a hug.

She clutched onto his arm, "Do you really think this is what he wanted?." She felt Ian hum a quick yes and she sighed, "Fine."

"Ok then," Ian pulled himself away, "I guess we're all going to do it then."

"Why not?" Henry replied, throwing himself on the sand behind him.

London realized she hadn't agreed but she wasn't about to say no, she lay gently on the sand and Sophie followed her queue. Sophie quietly laughed and whispered to London, "This is by far the most uncomfortable place I've ever slept."

"Put me down for the next thing, I'm sleeping inside." Henry stood up and brushed the sand out of his hair and neck, and grabbed his empty bottles; even drunk he  cleaned up after himself.